Church

First time church visitor? Here’s what I learned as a single person…

Hopefully below I can lay out some tactics to avoid these feelings that can come with first time church attendance. Actually, once I had got used to getting through the door on my own, there was a real sense of empowerment and godly confidence, knowing that I had just as much place in that church as anyone else, despite my singleness, and it was my own insecurities that would cause me doubt and hesitations.

Go in with your head held high

Hannah getting ready for a performance during her acting days

You are a child of God and God wants you in church, it’s good to be a part of a body even if it is just trying a church out for the first time. Any feelings of anxiety of walking in alone need to be put to one side, because you are there for Him and for Him alone. It’s not about what other people think, or whether you have to say for the hundredth time “Just me, I’m single”, you’re there to worship your Heavenly Father.

I actually found that people would most of the time be very interested in new blood walking through the door and take special care and attention with me being alone. I even got some yummy dinner offers from people looking after me. Try and shake off any shyness, leave it outside and enter strong.

Go with an open mind

You may be enriched and you may learn something new. Try not to go in with prejudgements, either about the church or about what you think their attitude to singles will be. It’s not fair on the church and it’s not fair on you. Some churches won’t be for you and that’s ok, but keep your ears and heart open too, let God give you godly discernment rather than you giving preconceived ideas. Pray before you enter, that can prepare your heart and mind and help you to enter knowing God is with you.

Socialise

It’s a great opportunity to meet new people and come out of your comfort zone. Chat to the people sat next to you, stay for coffee after, and don’t do the easy thing and run straight off after the service. You may be surprised and have some interesting conversations. I remember going to an evening service once for the first time at a church, where a group of people went to the pub after and I was invited to join – I had an unexpected great evening with some fascinating conversations and came away uplifted and built up.

Joining in with these sort of activities gives a sense of belonging and acceptance. It’s worth finding out sooner rather than later about their midweek meetings, home groups, Bible studies etc, if you like the church.

Chat to the pastor

Get to know the what the church is like and let the pastor get to know a bit about you. Whether you are visiting or looking to find a church, you are a part of that pastor’s flock for that service and they will want to get to know you. Introducing yourself rather than waiting to be spoken to speeds up the feeling of involvement and means there’s less isolation, although hopefully the pastor will catch you first.

Don’t judge the potential dating field

I definitely struggled with this one…! When entering a new church for the first time as a single person, I found it hard not to scout the field and end up disappointed, thinking “Where are all the single guys?” That shouldn’t have been my priority when going to church (although I found it hard not just having a little look).

Although you are single and although you may be looking for love, looking superficially over a congregation and making a decision or not whether to go there depending on the potential love candidates, is no way to choose a church or be successful in going to church on your own. You will be there for the wrong reasons, you will most likely be disappointed and make preconceived judgments – even if there is someone you might like the look of, chances are they’re already taken!

Instead, if you’re going to be around for a while, start to integrate into a church family as soon as you feel comfortable, as people can surprise you, come out of the woodwork or grow on you when you get to know them. Make friendly connections first before diving head first into the dating church scene.

I know it is hard and sometimes you can come out disheartened. Sometimes it can feel like you have the same small talk conversations over and over again, and bring up the old wound of being single again, but maybe you can manoeuvre the conversations into different directions?

You can make yourself approachable and welcoming as well as the church itself trying to show these qualities – Try and have a list of things you would like to know about the church, have some conversation starters, a smile on your face and be willing to talk when people talk to you. Closing off can shut conversations down, so be open, willing and God can do the rest.

For resources and support for single Christians, visit our friends at Single Friendly Church

When I was on tour during my work as an actor and travelling around the country, I had to do a lot of ‘church hopping’. I would try out different churches in each venue to maintain some sort of fellowship. It was a wonderful chance to try out different styles of worship, meet new people and find out more about the local area. But I was very much single during this time – and being a first time church visitor as a single person can be daunting, isolating and nerve wracking. So, what did I learn that could help?

https://www.christianconnection.com/dating-advice/feed/
Go to Source
Author: Hannah Grace

How to help your church become more single friendly

Look out for people on their own

People attend church on their own for lots of reasons. It can be a bit daunting to show up by yourself for the first time, so if you’ve been coming for a while, be that friendly face. Look out for people standing by themselves at coffee time. Invite someone to sit with you, and introduce them to others.
If you share the Peace or there’s a time of informal chat in your services, try and greet someone outside of your close friendship group first. Give the welcome that you’d like to receive.

Organise a social after the service

One of the best ways to build community and make new friends is to have a regular social opportunity after the service. This can be very informal – going for drinks, having lunch together or going for a walk. If your church doesn’t already offer something like this – why not start something yourself?

Begin by finding one or two others who are interested, spread the word and enjoy each other’s company until it grows. Ask a church leader if you can advertise it in the service, so that any newcomers can join.

Work out what your gifts are and use them

It’s important for church leadership to include all types of people and role models. Having an all-married leadership can suggest that you have to “graduate” into marriage in order to lead…which is completely untrue!

If your church is lacking single leaders for Bible study groups, prayers, community outreach etc, could that person be you? Using our unique gifts to serve God and others can give greater meaning and purpose to our lives – and can be an encouragement to others too. If you’re interested in exploring this, arrange a conversation with someone in leadership. Also tell a close friend so they can encourage and pray with you.

Celebrate life events

At my old church, when a couple got engaged the whole church would applaud and pray for them. While it was great to celebrate their happy news, it often made me feel like a failure because I wasn’t anywhere near that “milestone”.

When churches focus on celebrations related to marriage and children, it can sometimes make single or childless people feel undervalued or that their lives aren’t worth celebrating. So could you build a culture where you celebrate together for other things too? Make a big deal of people’s birthdays, new jobs, qualifications, retirement. If you’re a parent, you could do something on Mothers and Fathers Day to appreciate those who have been a caring presence in your kids’ lives. Make everyone feel valued and encouraged.

Be family to each other

The Bible tells us that when we become a Christian we are adopted into a new spiritual family. The Early Church lived in community and radically supported and embraced one another.

Does your church today feel like a spiritual family? Think about how you could better love and support those in your community. Do you know any single parents who would welcome help? Could you befriend a person or family who is facing illness, bereavement, or help someone to move house? Perhaps you have a space to host people, and could be more intentional about building relationships with others.

Lovingly challenge unhelpful comments

If you’re a single Christian, you’ve probably received an unhelpful comment or two about your single status. Maybe an unsolicited offer to pray for your love life, or unwelcome matchmaking attempts!

The first thing to remember is these often come from a place of ignorance. Perhaps this person has never experienced long-term singleness – or grew up in a culture with certain pressures around family. Perhaps they genuinely care, but don’t know how to express that in a helpful way. With this in mind, it’s good to lovingly challenge people on their language around singleness.

Explain to them why you feel uncomfortable, or why their comments are unhelpful or even untrue. Help them understand more about what it’s like to be single in church. Invite them into a positive conversation that can educate and shift their perspective.

Speak to your church leader

This is probably the most daunting action on this list, but it’s also the most effective one. Often church leaders aren’t intentionally leaving single people out – the thought has probably just never crossed their mind. Ask to have a chat with an appropriate leader, express the ways in which you or others have struggle with church and why.

Remind them how many people in society are single – and that this number is growing. And try to offer some simple practical solutions. There are lots of ideas on the Single Friendly Church website, including an audit tool that’s being used in churches worldwide.

In most cases, it’s one or two passionate single people who initiate a church’s journey to becoming more single friendly. Whilst it helps when the church leadership gets on board, small actions from individuals do make a big difference.

For more ideas and resources visit singlefriendlychurch.com

If you’ve been single in church for a while, you may have noticed that a lot of churches don’t really know what to do with single people. Perhaps you’ve struggled to relate to a sermon, or sat patiently through a 10 minute anecdote about the preacher’s happy family. Maybe you’ve started attending a new church and no one has come to say hello. Maybe you’re just wondering where you fit in. It’s no new fact that many churches tend to focus on couples and families, and single people report feeling overlooked, misunderstood and even unwelcome. The good news is that change is possible – and it can start with us! As an individual, here are a few things you can do to help your church become more single friendly, better welcome and include single people.

https://www.christianconnection.com/dating-advice/feed/
Go to Source
Author: Beth Collingridge – Single Friendly Church