Dating & Relationships

20th January 2023

Refresh your dating energy this new year

The business of the Christmas period is over, the mince pies are mostly finished, families have returned home, the turkey is finally eaten, work is back to normal. It’s time to focus on dating! How can you revitalise your dating energy?

No January slump

Try not to get sucked into the January blues. The post-Christmas/New Year period, is notorious for making people feel down after all the excitement, business and pressure.

Don’t let the January blues draw you into a lack of energy and negative attitudes towards dating. Instead, find the blessings that each day brings – find one thing a day that you can truly thank God for.

This will change your perspective and instead of the blues, you’ll be brighter and more thankful, which means you’re less likely to go down a darker path. You will be much more positive when it comes to dating, meaning the best version of you will show up.

Give it to God

The most important thing you can do to find your dating energy, is to pray and hand it over to God. At the end of the day, it will be in God’s timing whether you meet someone this year or not. He knows best. His timing is best. Trust Him and the work and the plan He has for your life. The King of Kings wants the best for you – how special does that make you feel?

It may not be what you are necessarily looking for, but it will be what you need, what is best and right for you. God is the one who can give you strength, refresh you and bring rejuvenation. “Look to the Lord and His strength; seek His face always”, (1 Chronicles 16:11) and “I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” (Isaiah 41:10) are good examples that God restores your soul and gives you the strength and energy when you are lacking.

Declutter

Just as January is a great time to tidy up, clean the house, sort out things that have been building up, it’s also a great time to tidy up your profile. Practically work on refreshing it, keeping it up to date, making sure you have a fresh and current profile picture.

This is a good time to review your ‘must-haves’ that may potentially be holding people back – can you extend the distance slightly to allow a greater pool of people, do you need to have a certain height in a partner, or can you be more open minded?

The right partner may be out there, but you may be held back by distance, if they’re not in your chosen proximity. God calls us to compromise and you never know if the right one may be willing to move!

Extend your chances and try to be a little more open minded. If I had all my tick list in my search engine, I would have never met anyone. Pray and try to work through what are your non-negotiables and what would be nice to have.

Be proactive

This is a time when you can take the reins and be proactive – make the contact, don’t wait to be contacted. Make an effort to meet up rather than letting conversations fizzle away.

Put aside time to meet and actively pursue. If you sit around waiting for it to happen, then the dating energy gets stagnant. Instead, take the plunge and maybe make a move? Personally, I ‘waved’ first and I’m so glad I did, as we are now married!

This is an exciting time and seeing it as that helps to give your dating life a boost. Who knows what God h

as in store for you? Hand it over to Him, let Him lead you, seek His will and enjoy the possibilities that this new year can bring!

How do you refresh your dating energy?

Looking for more on new year dating? Read ‘6 fun new year dating resolutions to make this year’, ‘6 dating resolutions not to make this year‘ and ‘6 ways to keep your new year (and dating) resolutions alive‘

A new year is a time for fresh starts, the hopeful possibilities of good that a new year can bring and sometimes new resolutions. There is an excitement and anticipation of what the new year can bring – a bubbling energy is expectant for what God has in store for you. A fresh year maybe to find a life partner? Meet someone new? How can you find your dating energy in the new year, especially if it feels like you’re starting yet another year of being single?

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Author: Hannah Grace

30th December 2022

7 ways changing your old habits could help you find love in 2023

If you want to make a positive change (that doesn’t involve sugar withdrawal!), here are some suggestions for making a fresh start on your journey. A few simple steps can be a great boost when you’re being proactive on your way to find love in 2023.

Spruce up your profile

If you’ve given online dating a go before, take the time for some spring cleaning and spruce up your profile. Remove anything that may no longer be a true reflection of who you are, and update your information to include new hobbies and interests. Having a passion or interest in common can be a great way to connect, so don’t be afraid to share what you love.

You can see more tips on perfecting your profile here.

Take a fresh photo

You may have looked amazing on that holiday back in 2019, and you should always include photos that make you feel happy and positive on your profile, but it’s important to stay up to date too. Next time you’re feeling great about yourself, make sure you grab a photo and upload it. Photos don’t need to look professional – a selfie or candid photo of you enjoying yourself can be even better than something posed. We recommend picking a picture where you’re smiling and looking directly at the camera so people can get a great idea of who you are.

Not a natural behind the camera? Check out our photo suggestions.

Look outside your local area

Have you wanted to woo someone within walking distance? Many people start by only seeking love in their local area. The beauty of online dating sites is that they can connect you to people you’d never otherwise meet. On Christian Connection, we’ve seen weddings between members who joined from opposite sides of the country as well as couples who’ve discovered they live just minutes away from each other. When you find the right connection, there are always ways of making it work. Spreading your wings a little when it comes to finding a partner can open up a new world of possibility.

Why not try Christian Connection’s video chat to get to know someone if you can’t meet right away? Find out more here.

Think of some new opening lines

Do you start all your messages the same way? Perhaps you usually just send a wave or a quick ‘Hi’ and hope the other person will respond. Maybe you have a lengthy introduction all written up and send the same thing to each new match, but did you know people can almost always tell when a message wasn’t written specifically for them?

A short, friendly greeting mentioning something you liked about the other person’s profile (for example, a hobby or interest you have in common) and asking a friendly, personalised question can be a great way to get a response.

If you’re still unsure how to start, get some help with our guide to writing great messages.

Take the plunge and send the first message

Now that you’ve worked out the perfect message, it’s time to click send! Everyone experiences online dating nerves, but if you’ve always been a watch-and-waiter, why not make 2023 your year to take action? No one will judge you for reaching out first. In fact, the other person is likely to be delighted you have. You can increase your chances of making a connection by being the one to take that leap of faith first.

Plan some exciting dates

Once your new opening lines have paid off, why not have some brilliant date ideas up your sleeve? Meeting for a coffee for the first date is a classic for a reason: it’s a quick way to see if you both connect in person. But once the ice has been broken, why not try something a little different:

A visit to a local market with some unusual wares – maybe there’s a flower market, a farmers’ market or a local record fair you’ve never explored. In some places these are well established and have run for years, but look out for pop ups too. Local craftspeople, artists or bakers might come together to sell their goods for a day – a great excuse to visit and try!

If you both love nature, explore a beautiful garden. Whatever the weather, the seasons are never more visible than when you’re in the great outdoors. If there’s a country house, historical site or place of interest, often there’s some lovely landscaping and gardens to take in, too.

Pick a quirky museum! You’ll have time to chat while you explore, and the unusual exhibits will give you plenty to talk about. It’s worth doing an online search or asking around to track down an unusual collection or two – pencils, marbles, cheese, teapots? You might be surprised at what’s hiding nearby.

If you come up with some great date ideas, you can even mention them in your new, spruced-up profile and see who might like to come along!

Read how shared interests brought one couple together.

Share your faith

Joining a Christian dating site is one way to give yourself the best chance of finding a partner who shares your faith. Don’t be afraid to open up about what matters to you, especially if you want a partner to pray and worship with. Many of our members who have found their life partners through the site have shared how God guided them to join or re-join at a particular time. This could be yours.

One couple shared how they believe God used Christian Connection to bring love into their lives here.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new”. 2 Corinthians 5:17

Christian Connection wishes you a happy new year and a year of new possibilities in 2023.

Did you know that January could be the best time to meet someone new? Many people see the new year as a time for new beginnings – an opportunity to change our habits and freshen things up, perhaps by starting a new DIY project or giving up chocolate. But did you know that this month is the most popular time to join an online dating site? If that’s you, welcome! Whether you’re trying out online dating for the very first time, returning after a break or just want to freshen things up, here at Christian Connection, we think trying something new can be the key to success when it comes to finding a partner. Here are our top tips to help you find love in 2023.

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Author: Christian Connection

16th December 2022

“We’ve had so many, many adventures” – Jordan & Josh, our Christian Connection story

Jordan and Josh on a date

Jordan continues, “Within two weeks we had both deleted our CC profiles and were chatting on other platforms. We talked every day and in January 2020 we had our first date I drove the three hours south to Sydney and Josh flew to Sydney airport. We went to the zoo and got milkshakes. I tripped and almost spilled it all over him a move I was sure was going to destroy any chance of dating. He assured me he was still interested and we made plans to visit each other’s home after March as we were both busy until then.

Two weeks before our first visit borders between us slammed shut. Over the next four months we talked every day on the phone and messages waiting till we’d finally see each other again. The borders opened again in July allowing Josh to make the seven hour drive come visit me and meet my family it was an amazing time and my whole family loved him.

We then arranged for another visit for me to meet his family but not long after Josh went home the borders slammed shut again. We were certain this distance was going to end us but God remained faithful and our love only grew. The borders were then reopened the day before my birthday so Josh visited again and then I made the trip up for Christmas to meet his family.

Jordan says yes to Josh’s hot air balloon proposal

We had by this time decided we should move closer and prayed together and God provided me with an apartment and incredible job only 20 minutes from Josh. I moved one year exactly after our first date and we have had so many, many adventures since then including obstacle course races, escape rooms, broken knees and scuba diving and found a church together to call home.

In November 2021 Josh took me up in a hot air balloon and asked me to marry him. I of course said yes and we look forward to planning a wedding when borders reopen so all our family can join in. God has been so faithful to us through this relationship.”

Josh: “Well we’re officially married and thought it would be time for a little update. After meeting on Christian Connection in December 2019 living interstate from each other we took some time until we had our first in person date at the zoo in Sydney. The date went amazing and we had connected so well. We then endured several lock downs and state shut outs which meant we were only able to see each other four times during 2020 but through God we were able to maintain a strong and growing relationship.

Mr and Mrs!

At the end of 2020 we decided it was time to move closer so Jordan moved up from NSW to QLD. During the next year we went on many adventures together and found a church to call home. In November 2021 in a hot air balloon we got engaged and started planning a wedding for July 2022.

We were truly blessed with how God and all of our loving family came together to make our special day that much more amazing and how everyone helped us overcome the difficulties of floods and venue changes in the week of the wedding. The day was truly amazing and we thank God, our family and friends and Christian Connection for everything.

If I had any advice to offer to people on Christian Connection it is to trust God and His timing, things might go quickly for some and for others it can be a slow process. Seek God in all the decisions and pray both separately and together.”

Congratulations Jordan and Josh on your beautiful wedding and first steps in making a life together! We’re thrilled we could help you connect.

Ready to start your own story? Join Christian Connection here.

“Around November 2019 I joined CC. I was talking regularly with my mum about how it was going and she encouraged me to wave and chat with several people even just to make some more Christian friends. On December 17th I waved at a guy from Queensland, I had actually been avoiding anyone from Queensland originally as I lived in NSW and didn’t like the thought of moving. A few days later we began chatting and hit it off immediately…

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Author: Christian Connection

4th November 2022

Change vs compromise: 7 important things to consider

We need to think about change vs compromise. It’s absolutely valid to know who you are – circumstances have led you to be the person you are today and you don’t want to make the same mistakes as you may have previously done. But it’s more important to have confidence in who you are in God, and allow God in on the process of change and growth.

The idea of changing ‘for’ someone is scary and deserves serious thought. It can make us more defensive and stubborn in wanting to stay exactly as we are. Likewise, we should not enter a relationship in order to ‘change’ someone. They can’t be our project, and it’s not fair to them or healthy. However, when is it right to realise you must change?

When you go on a first date it helps to appreciate that you are two completely different people, leading separate lives and with differing interests. Remember that when you enter a relationship there is a joining and a unification that needs to take place. That includes change.

Personally, I am not good with change. I find change hard in circumstances around me – people moving away, changes in jobs, even different furniture arrangement all take a long time for me to come to terms with. I’m better at change within myself, but it is never going to be easy. It is worthwhile, though.

Focus on character and growth

We are constantly changing. The person you were ten years ago is not the same person you are now, and it would be worrying if you were. Things happen around us that help us to grow and mature, and people can help with this too.

If you are determined not to change who you are when in a relationship, then your walls will be up and this can lead to conflict. Being open to positive change when dating is a good thing – let someone bring out the best in you.

Look at your circumstances

A developing relationship will bring its own changes. Where will you eventually live? Are the hours you work compatible for a healthy relationship? Are you willing to make changes to make things work in the long term? My job of performing on stage has been so much a part of who I am, it’s not just a job. Never did I think that I would take a break from performing for someone, but circumstances change. Our hours were polar opposites and we never saw each other.

When we first started dating, leaving my job was an absolute non-negotiable. I would not have even contemplated that change and I would have even thought it was a red flag should someone suggest that. My (now) husband never asked me to spend more time with him ever, it was my decision, but that change came about circumstantially and personally.

I have grown so much for the better as a wife, as a Christian and in myself since getting my priorities in order. This example is just what has worked for us, but each person has their own ways that change can be a good thing.

Be alert to red flags

If you feel pressure to completely change your character, then I would query if this is the relationship for you! Be careful if you are the only one changing, too. You don’t want to lose or completely change who you are! (Unless you want to change, that is.)

If someone is asking you to change your character, your boundaries, your opinions, and still after hearing your side, not respecting you in any way, then I would say be very careful as to whether you want to continue dating that person.

Self-Loving Versus Selfless

Going from singleness into a relationship, you will each need to learn to put the other person first, thinking about their feelings and emotions before making decisions. Being single, you can do what you want, (within reason!) when you want, on your terms. Being in a relationship means thinking about the other person and seeking their opinions too.

This is part of change vs compromise. Of course, it’s hard at the beginning, you haven’t yet transitioned to being in a relationship, so the thought of changing is not forefront. However, to be emotionally mature in a relationship, you need to be willing to compromise and learn to think of the other person’s needs.

Acknowledge different Interests

You will start to change and recognise different interests. I have friends who have opened themselves up to new music tastes and culinary tastes since dating someone, which they would see as enhancing their lives.

Personally, since knowing my husband, my eyes have been opened to different film genres, board games, and I’d like to hope I’m a kinder and more patient version of my former self. My husband has learnt to appreciate ‘Pride and Prejudice’, afternoon tea and musical theatre – these additions to our lives have helped us both to be more enriched.

It is good to have differing interests, rather than being with a carbon copy of yourself, as this means you can learn about something new, you have something to talk about, and you have time for yourself doing something you love too.

Work out where you need to compromise

Compromise is necessary when dating and in a relationship. For a relationship to work, you both need to be open to compromise and adjust. This does not necessarily mean changing everything, but compromises need to be made on your time, your money, effort and sometimes your way of thinking, seeing things from both sides.

Hold onto your boundaries for safety, but adjusting your mindset to another way of thinking is vital. Compromises are likely to happen from the moment you start dating.

Embrace the new

Change can be good. Sometimes we don’t realise we are changing till after it has happened. This is a gradual joining of two people over dates and into a relationship. It’s not about losing yourself but enhancing yourself. Change should come to make a better version of you, relationships should bring out the best in you, not the worst.

When we are in relationships, our sharp corners are gently chiselled away. God can change hearts, but we need to be open to compromise. The older I grew as a single, the more set in my ways I became, the less I was willing and sometimes able to change. But with God’s help, I’ve been chiselled into a better person through a man who helps me see the good in me, but also helps me to strive to be a better version of me.

Sometimes that means I need to change. But mostly it means I need to compromise and adjust to being a couple. I’m not changing myself completely and it’s not one sided…we are both compromising and adjusting to make it work. It fails when you don’t allow God to work in your heart and when you are doing it alone and not as a team.

I would say that we’re not called to change at the beginning of dating. Compromises will need to occur, but changes can come naturally when God is leading you both. Compromises and adjustments to characters and circumstances may have to happen straight away to make a relationship work, but circumstantial change happens further down the line, when you are secure in who you are as a couple.

Complete change from the beginning means the person is not right for you. As you contemplate change vs compromise, let God do the changing, and you do the compromising. Seek God’s will and let Him change you more into Christ’s image.

What do you think of change vs compromise? Have you made changes in your life?

7 more free date ideas to explore

If you’re conscious of not having much money for dating – or you’re used to spending a lot on meeting up – the thought of looking at more free date ideas could feel awkward. But don’t be nervous about suggesting it. Rather than emphasise the value angle, focus on what you could learn and experience together.

Do an online class together

The internet age has brought with it a wealth of possibilities – not least online dating! Meeting through a screen can help set the tone for an activity that centres on one, too. Find something you’re both interested in or keen to learn about and schedule a time to join together.

It could be a one-off lecture on the Romantic poets, the wildlife of the Antarctic or a deep dive into New Testament theology. Or you might go for the long haul and sign up for a series that you follow for several weeks – perhaps not one to suggest on your first date!

A simple internet search will throw up more options than you could possibly take in. Either start with an open mind and look for ‘free online classes’ and then narrow down, or search by topic and see what you can find.

Check channels like YouTube for regularly updated content from world-leading universities and institutions as well as the self-taught. And if you don’t want to see it through, switching off is a simple decision!

Explore a local park

Whether you’re drawn to urban areas or wide expanses of the great outdoors, finding a local spot to explore can provide an enjoyable date with no added costs.

Spotting the local flora and fauna can be an enjoyable, mindful activity – borrowing some binoculars if you don’t have any can highlight things you would otherwise miss.

If you have some suitable cereals at home, bring along a bag to feed the ducks or other birds.

You might be able to pull together a picnic from home to enjoy together. Think about what you can bring with you rather than buy during the date. If you’re both being budget-conscious, agree to bring snacks or food from home – especially if the temptation of the café or ice cream stand will prove hard to resist.

Learn a language together

If your dating conversations have moved in the direction of future plans you might have discussed places you’d like to visit. Including this on your dating profile is a great ice-breaker and can help you find common ground right at the start – if you’re longing to travel to Mexico, Iceland or Java, what better than to hear from someone who dreams of the same thing?!

Once you get to know each other, why not take the fun step of learning the language of your ideal destination together? Some language websites and apps offer free access, and you can buddy your memberships so you can track each other’s progress too.

By the time you can ask “Viltu fara á stefnumót með mér?” (that’s “Would you like to go on a date with me?” in Icelandic, of course), you’ll be well on the way to fitting in like a local when you do finally make the trip!

Film night or box set binge

Another popular section of the dating profile is the films and TV shows you love to watch or rewatch, but when was the last time you actually revisited your favourites? If you have an old box set at home, or access to an online streaming service, why not make an occasion of introducing your date to your top show?

Maybe you’ll proudly recite every line or cringe as you realise perhaps the acting you admire 10 years ago hasn’t really stood the test of time, but you’ll have something to talk about and the opportunity to watch your date’s choice next time.

Plan according to how well you know each other – if you feel more comfortable going to a public place to watch on a mobile device, do that or save this date for further along in the relationship.

Seasonal freebies

A great way enjoy more free date ideas throughout the year is to embrace the season and explore what’s on offer locally. Talking a walk around Christmas lights and outdoor decorations can be a highlight, whether you pick a busy time for the buzzy atmosphere or a quieter moment to enjoy the peace.

Look out for occasions with fireworks or other outdoor celebrations – whether you’re in the thick of the crowd or watching from a distance, looking up and around will give you lots to talk about.

And don’t forget what nature has to offer. Strolling through autumn leaves or spring blossom can be a beautiful, memorable date – though don’t forget to check whether you’ll need an umbrella or it may be memorable in a different way!

Go to a nature reserve

Expanding on the idea of a date spent taking in nature, it can be a pleasant surprise how many localities have semi-hidden areas dedicated to preserving the ecosystem. While some may be grand in scale and even known worldwide, others can be a simple woodland, field or water feature.

Here plants and trees grow undisturbed and birds and animals are protected. Whether a nature reserve date is a quick detour or a day trip, enjoying the peaceful haven can make you both appreciative of the beauty of creation and each other’s company.

Explore a heritage trail or local history

Wherever you live, there will be stories about what’s gone before. Sometimes these are well documented, with trails to follow, noticeboards, maps and websites full of information. If you or your date are intrigued by history, taking an afternoon to investigate can be a rewarding experience. Some places will offer an app to guide you, or you may find yourselves relying on a sharp eye and intuition to track down the key sites.

It may be you are a keen researcher of your own or your area’s heritage, and want to spend more time digging into the past. Local archives, libraries and online resources can help you get started, and when you’re ready to hit the streets, go in search of new stories together.

Can you think of more free date ideas you’d enjoy trying? Let us know!

Read 7 fun, free date ideas to try and 7 cheap date ideas to make great memories for even more ways to enjoy quality time on a budget.

Wanting to make good first (or second or third) impression when you meet for a date is an understandable goal. Sometimes your budget makes that tricky. If your wallet needs a rest, it doesn’t mean you can’t have an enjoyable date that’s memorable for all the right reasons. If you’re prepared to be creative, here are more free date ideas you can explore together. Some will even add to your skills as you go!

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Author: Christian Connection

2nd September 2022

10 reasons why differences are great for a relationship

Here are 10 reasons differences are great for a relationship.

Our differences enrich the relationship

How boring would life be if we were all the same? Our differences are what make us unique. Our upbringing, quirks, ways of thinking, hobbies and other habits all make us who we are and they are what makes a relationship exciting! Each person brings something unique to the relationship which makes it all the richer for it.

So, if you’re dating someone who is interested in things that you don’t particularly like, for example, don’t see that as an obstacle in the relationship, but instead, an opportunity to experience the world differently. This takes me to my second point.

Our differences are an opportunity to learn about each other and grow

When I first met my husband, I soon discovered his love for the outdoors and long walks. Being the homebody that I was, I wasn’t too keen on spending a lot of my time outdoors, but I wanted to know more about him, so I made the conscious decision to go on walks with him and see what all the fuss was about! Now, I’m still not a massive outdoors fan but I enjoy it a lot more than I used to, and it is a great opportunity for us to spend time together, talking about and planning the rest of our lives together.

God made us all different. And we all have something different to bring to the table

Diversity is talked about a lot in workplaces today, and rightly so, because people from different backgrounds bring different experiences and expertise to the table. It is the same in a relationship – each person brings something different and if we’re willing to see our differences as a good thing, a gift from God even, we can maximise it for the good of our relationship.

Take, for example, a couple from two different cultures. If they go on to have children, instead of worrying about which of the two cultures their kids may fit into, they can choose to see it instead as a blessing that their kids get to experience and grow up with the best of both cultures – something not many people get to do in their lifetime.

Our differences help us to be less selfish

As humans we have the tendency to think only of ourselves, or at least, most of the time. When in a relationship, we are forced to think about someone else and consider their thoughts and feelings before we make decisions. When the way they think and act are different to ours, we are forced to make adjustments in our lives, to accommodate them (or at least we should, if we want the relationship to work).

Our differences teach us how to love

Like the point above, our differences teach us how to truly love each other. There’s a verse in the Bible which I love – Colossians 3 verse 13 (NLT) – which says, “Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.”

This is how we should treat our Christian brothers and sisters, but we should also be applying the same principle when it comes to relationships. Making allowance for each other’s differences means trying to understand them and see things from their point of view. In so doing, we learn to truly love.

Our differences help to build intimacy

The dictionary definition of intimacy is ‘close familiarity or friendship’. Differences in a relationship can help us build intimacy with the person we’re with if we take the time to learn from them and understand them. Asking questions to find out why they think or do things a certain way shows that you care and that you’re interested in them.

This also creates a safe environment for the person to open up to you, which breeds intimacy. Also, taking an interest in things that may not be your favourite things to do (e.g. me and the outdoors) can provide opportunities to spend time together.

Our differences help us to step out of our comfort zone

Our differences help us to step out of our comfort zone, do new things and experience different ways of living. Life is about growth, and we can’t grow if we refuse to try new things or challenge ourselves by stepping out of our comfort zone. Being in a relationship with someone that has a different temperament, or different interests gives us the opportunity to do things we may never have considered if we hadn’t met them.

Our differences help us to be more effective in problem solving

As the saying goes, ‘two heads are better than one’. More so if those two heads think differently! Different people approach tasks or problems in different ways, and in a relationship, having someone that can look at things from a different viewpoint can help with problem solving.

Our differences inspire us to be better versions of ourselves

Being in a relationship with someone that’s very different to us can push us to improve areas of our lives, when we learn from them and emulate those aspects of their character that we find inspiring, or positively challenging. For example, if you’re the kind of person that’s not the best with money, being with someone that is good with money can help you improve your financial stewardship, if you’re willing to learn and emulate their good habits.

Our differences bring wholeness to the relationship

Whilst each person is whole as an individual, there is an element of supplementation that comes when you’re in a healthy relationship. One person will likely have skills that the other person doesn’t have or bring a different point of view because of different experiences or upbringing. In other words, one person compensates for the other person’s lack and together our differences make us stronger.

Having things in common is a good basis for a good relationship, but differences don’t have to be an obstacle to a successful relationship. If you’re willing to get to know the other person, learn from them and accommodate said differences, you may find that your differences could be the key to the success of your relationship.

Enjoyed reading ’10 reasons why differences are great for a relationship’? Read more by Urenna Kiwanuka here.

It has been said that opposites attract, and whilst that is true to an extent, a difference in personalities is often cited as the main reason for the breakdown of many relationships. Whilst it is important to have some key things in common with the person you’re in a relationship with, for example, a shared faith, similar moral values, and world views, it is also possible to have a great relationship with someone that is quite different from you. In fact, I believe our differences can have a positive impact on our relationship and even make it all the better.

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Author: Urenna Kiwanuka

19th August 2022

How to date with great self-worth

They haven’t done the best job of singing their own praises or blowing their own trumpet. They haven’t put their best foot forwards. They haven’t learned to date with great self-worth. I get it.

Many of us struggle to write a glowing profile about ourselves. We don’t feel good enough, or tall enough, or slim enough, or attractive enough, or successful enough, or sorted enough. We feel a bit old or a bit unfit or a bit bruised and broken.

But if we go into dating with our heads hung low and with a negative opinion of ourselves, lacking in self-esteem, self-worth, self-confidence and self-belief, we are likely to make unhealthy choices and sabotage our chances of finding a loving relationship.

We may scroll through other people’s profiles, seeing someone we like. We may be tempted to reach out to them. Our finger may hover over the ‘like’ or ‘message’ button, but then we lose faith.

We tell ourselves that they wouldn’t be interested in someone like us. And we scroll on by, until we find someone whose profile is more in line with our downgraded view of ourselves, or until we decide to give up on the process entirely, because “nobody out there would be interested”.

We may approach face-to-face dating in a similar way, struggling with self-doubt and low confidence. This leads us into dangerous territory. We may date people who don’t treat us with the care and respect we deserve. Or we may sabotage potential relationships with people who are right for us, because we don’t feel worthy, because we’re afraid that once they get to know us, they’ll reject and abandon us.

In some cases, the opposite may be true. We may go into dating with an unrealistic view of the person we want or think we deserve to meet and this can hamper our chances of meeting our match too. Perhaps we are holding out for someone perfect – someone who doesn’t exist – an approach that will guarantee our singleness.

So, how do we make sure we are dating with our self-esteem intact, with a positive and optimistic outlook, and a realistic one at the same time? How do we show up as God sees us?

Here are some suggestions:

Before you go dating, pause and check your self-worth and self-esteem. Do you feel good about yourself? Do you feel reasonably happy with yourself?

If you find your self-esteem lacking, take steps to build it up first. I often say that “self-esteem comes from doing estimable things”.

Estimable things take many forms – acts of self-care and self-compassion, treating ourselves to new clothes or a haircut so that we feel better on dates, standing up for ourselves in relationships rather than people-pleasing.

Think about growing your self-esteem with small, regular, consistent actions, just as you would strengthen a muscle by repeatedly lifting a weight.

You can take one of these actions now, today, after reading this post, or you can plan to do something as soon as you can to build your self-worth.

When you explore your self-esteem, you may come across some deeper wounds. Memories of being criticised, judged, hurt, rejected or left out; memories of not feeling loved.

The key here is that you have to feel the feelings in order to heal them. So, write about your feelings, share them with trusted people and bring them to God. Make sure you have spent some time healing these early wounds before you go dating. If not, you risk being deeply hurt all over again. You don’t have to be perfect, just not overly vulnerable or exposed.

A good question to ask is: how lovable do I feel? Do I love myself and do I feel lovable? Self-love doesn’t come easily to everyone, but you’ll need to feel reasonably lovable to be successful in romantic relationships. You can do this by showing yourself the love you are seeking in a relationship, as best as you can.

If you are dating with an unrealistic view of the person you want to meet, ask God to help you to proceed with a balanced view of yourself and with realistic expectations, to help you to meet the person you need, not the person you want or think you should be with.

I know from experience that when we dismiss potential partners as “not good enough” for us, we are often dating with a deep fear of love, relationship, intimacy and commitment. The “not good enough” line is simply an excuse, one I used for many years. I’m pleased to say I’m now happily married to the man I initially deemed to be “not good enough for me”.

If you keep growing your self-esteem and self-worth, keep healing your deep wounds and keep digging deep to understand your fears, you will date successfully and find your happy relationship.

What have you learned from reading ‘How to date with great self-worth’? Let us know! Read more by Katherine Baldwin here.

When my single friends or coaching clients ask me for feedback on their dating profiles, I often point out that they are selling themselves short. I know these people, either personally or through my work. I know that they are vibrant and colourful, or intuitive and intelligent, or funny and friendly, or supportive and kind, or generous and open-hearted, or, in many cases, all of the above. Yet this doesn’t come across in their profiles…

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Author: Katherine Baldwin

12th August 2022

The importance of sending out the right signals when dating

It’s good to give some time to reflect on whether you’re sending out the right signals as you get to know someone. Questions like “Does he like me, or does he not?” or “Does she just want to be friends, or is there a potential for more?”, or even, “We spent two hours on the phone the other day but I haven’t heard from him for days now – what is going on?” are all too common and it can be frustrating trying to figure someone out because of the kinds of signals you’re getting from them.

Perhaps you’re wondering a whole different set of questions, like: “Why is no one sending me messages online?” or “Why didn’t he message back after our last conversation?” or even, “How come she just ghosted me?” If that sounds like you, it might be worth considering what kind of signals you’re sending out to potential dates.

How’s your dating profile?

Take online dating as an example. What people see on your profile should give them an idea of who you are, your personality, your interests and what is important to you. Hopefully, what you’ve written should make the right person take notice and want to find out more. So, think about what you put on your profile.

From my experience of online dating, it is easy to see those that have taken time on their profile and those that have only put in the bare minimum. Even if that isn’t the intention, not putting enough effort on your profile information could suggest that you wouldn’t put that much effort into a relationship.

If you want to send the right signals to potential dates, put some effort into your profile. However, bear in mind that quality is just as important (if not more), as quantity. Try not to put every bit of information about you online; but just enough to give an idea of the kind of person you are.
So, take a look at your profile again- is it a true reflection of you? Is it accurate? Is your message consistent throughout?

How’s your conversation?

Another area where people tend to give off the most signals, good or bad, is during conversations. If you’re chatting to someone – messaging, talking on the phone, or face to face, what you say is very important and helps them to know even more about you (obvious, right?).

But we all communicate differently, and some people might take what you say very literally, whilst others may read between the lines and understand what you’re not saying. However, the thing to remember is that people are not mind readers. If you like someone, show, or tell them that you like them.

If you’re not sure about the relationship, say so. Mixed signals can be off-putting and can also be confusing, so make sure you’re consistent in your messages. Don’t blow hot and cold, or string people along, as this only wastes both your time and is unkind.

The kind of conversation you have with someone can also give off certain signals to them. Being open to discussing potentially difficult topics, whilst maintaining boundaries shows someone that you’re interested and value what they think and have to say.

As a Christian, sharing about how important your faith is to you and the role it plays in your life is a way of not only inviting someone into your life but letting them know the areas that are a priority and where your values lie. If they share the same values as you, great – things can proceed. If not, at least they know where you stand.

How’s your body language?

Body language is another area to be aware of when it comes to communicating and giving the right signals. We are told that majority of our communication (over 70%) is non-verbal – so what is your body language telling to potential dates? It is very easy to say one thing, but your body language suggests something entirely different, and this can lead to confusion in a relationship – real or potential.

Lastly, be mindful of how you come across. I’m not a very smiley person, but over the years I learnt that a smile really does makes you more attractive and approachable to people.

Now, I’m not suggesting that smiling more would solve all your dating issues, but people are generally more likely to approach someone that is smiling (whether in a picture or in real life), with a welcoming countenance, than someone who just seems uninterested. So, ask yourself; are you approachable, or do you sound or look like you’d rather be somewhere else when you’re in someone’s company?

We are constantly communicating signals to people, even when we’re not aware of it. Being aware of how we communicate, what we say and how we say it, the information we put online about ourselves, and our body language helps us to ensure that we are sending out the right signals to people when dating.

How do you approach sending out the right signals when dating? Share your thoughts and tips

Enjoyed reading ‘The importance of sending out the right signals when dating’? Read more by Urenna Kiwanuka here.

One of the things that frustrates people when dating is not knowing where they stand with someone. Sending out the right signals when dating is important; be it on your online dating profile, when you’re messaging or talking to someone, and even after you meet face to face. Have you stopped to think about the signals you’re giving out?

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Author: Urenna Kiwanuka

29th July 2022

7 cheap date ideas to make great memories

Exploring cheap date ideas doesn’t have to be a restriction. You can even make it a feature of the date! Set a budget and get creative in sticking to it. A few pounds or dollars can stretch to make a memorable date with a little imagination. The time you spend, the conversations you share and the memories you make are all more important than how much you spend.

Here are seven easy to organise, enjoyable to do, cheap date ideas to try.

Embrace park life

Parks are free to visit but you can make more of a feature of your trip if you plan some activities while you’re there. A cheap tennis or badminton set, or a frisbee – which you can borrow or buy cheaply – can give you an hour or two of activity and healthy competition.

A couple of drinks or ice creams from the park café to help you recover, and a relaxing walk will give you chance to chat (and debate who plays the best badminton).

Take a few minutes to check out the wildlife, too. Many parks sell little bags of bird food to keep the feathered residents happy so you can bond over cute ducklings and over-eager pigeons!

Have a picnic

One of the classic cheap date ideas is the humble picnic. Set your own menu, grab a blanket and head outdoors. You could build it into a park date, but more creative options may come to mind – look for scenic sites like river banks, museum grounds, or even somewhere urban where you can people watch.

If you’re a whizz in the kitchen make some of your finest treats to bring along and share, but if not shop-bought is fine too. It’s more about the time you spend than worrying about your culinary skills.

If your budget doesn’t stretch to a three course al fresco experience, a shared cake and a bottle of something fizzy can feel like a special occasion.

Explore a food market

If you prefer your food on the go, food markets are a great place to go for a date. Some places have well established artisan or farmers’ markets running regularly, where you’ re guaranteed to have a wide selection of fresh food to choose from.

Other options are pop ups, with local makers taking over a space for a day to sell their wares. Though less frequent, they’re still full of interesting flavours and treats to try.

Look out for food trucks and stalls. You’ll know what you’re getting is very fresh as you see it cooked in front of you, and you don’t need to restrict yourselves to just one type of cuisine. If your tastes are very different there’s no make or break conversation about a restaurant menu, just an opportunity to try new things as you both indulge.

With lots of free samples to try and lower prices than a restaurant visit, this is one of the tastiest cheap date ideas going!

Do a public transport expedition

In many places a small fare can give you the freedom to explore for miles. A ‘ride all day’ ticket can take you to parts of your area you may not have known existed or haven’t been to for years. Some bus companies offer a return fare that can take you to other towns, out into villages or to the coast so you can venture further for the day.

Plan ahead and make the journey part of the experience with time to chat on the way there and pictures of your day out to share on the way home.

If you live somewhere with an open top bus tour, grab your camera or phone, become tourists for the day and enjoy the hop on / hop off opportunities to explore whatever takes your interest without paying more than the one-off fee at the start.

If you live somewhere that you can hire city bikes or scooters, this can give you a personalised experience at your own pace with lots of opportunities for breaks to stop and chat.

Pick an old school activity

Some of the most fun cheap date ideas give you the opportunity to create your favourite childhood birthday outings – or pick the kind of thing you wanted to do when you were 12 but didn’t get the chance to!

A couple of hours of fun at a fairground, paintball, laser quest, bowling or mini golf is usually very reasonably priced – and will give you a focal point for the date.

So, pick your favourite, channel your boisterous inner child and jump in!

Take to the water

If you live near water, why not make the most of it, for a date that could be relaxing or energetic depending on your preference?

If having time to chat while you float past lovely views is the most important thing look out for river cruises, where you can sit back and take it all in.

Maybe you’ve been looking for an opportunity to show off your sailing or rowing skills – or at least work on improving them! – so look for places you could hire a small boat for an hour or two. You can take it turns to row and see how well you work as a team.

Check out local parks or lakes for lazier options like pedalos, which can be hired for a small fee. If neither of you feel like putting in the effort you can drift for a while and talk.

Have a ‘Happy Hour’ dinner

If you prefer a more traditional date, don’t rule out a restaurant trip. It’s still possible to eat out without breaking the bank. While you’re meeting to get to know each other and want to enjoy the time, don’t put yourself under pressure to spend in order to impress.

You could look at meeting early to get an ‘early bird’ deal or look out for vouchers with special offers. Loyalty schemes can also provide discounts, and some places offer a set menu with a capped price.

Be honest about your financial limitations and agree something that works for you both so can focus on the company and not worry about the bill.

What are your favourite cheap date ideas?

Enjoyed reading ‘7 cheap date ideas to make great memories’? Read lots more great date ideas on the Christian Connection blog.

Getting to know someone is a time for fun, newness and adventure – but it doesn’t have to be expensive. Rather than feel pressured to spend money that’s needed elsewhere, get creative with some simple and fun cheap date ideas that can help to build your connection and make memories. Whether you’re meeting for the first time or looking for something to spend quality time together, read on to be inspired and get planning.

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Author: Christian Connection

15th July 2022

3 simple ways to be a blessing as you date

Sometimes, instead of being blessed – or being a blessing – during the dating journey, things don’t go to plan. I’m sure you’ve heard (or even experienced for yourself) some dating horror stories, and not everyone turns out to be the perfect gentleman or lady they may initially appear to be.

The Bible tells us in Romans 12:10 to “Love one another with genuine affection. Esteem others more highly than yourself”. If you’re thinking of dating, it is worth thinking about how you can be a blessing to others as you date.

Even if a relationship doesn’t work out, you can move on with your life knowing that you treated the other person well.

You can be a blessing to others by being kind, respectful and generous to them. It may sound obvious, but treat people the way you would want to be treated. What does this mean in practical terms?

Be a blessing with your words

You can be a blessing as you date in the way you communicate. This includes thinking about the words you use when speaking to people; not being harsh, rude, or disrespectful.

It also means saying what you mean, and not saying what you don’t mean (if you know what I mean!). Don’t manipulate people with your words. Don’t make fun of them or belittle them. Instead, compliment them and make them feel good about themselves.

Always speak the truth, even when it may be uncomfortable. Even if you don’t particularly see a long-term future with someone, treating them right is still very important.

Be open and honest with people when dating. If you meet someone and soon realise it’s not going to work out, be honest with them and let them know how you feel.
In the same way, if you’re feeling good about the relationship, communicate that too.

Be a blessing with your actions

Just as we can bless people with the words that we say and don’t say, we can also be a blessing with our actions. This means treating people kindly, and acting in ways that make them feel loved, valued, and respected.

It means showing your true and authentic self, and not leaving them guessing as to how you feel about them. It also means being upfront when things are not working out, instead of stringing them along whilst you look at other options.

It means not ‘ghosting’ them. Most people prefer to know where they stand when it comes to relationships, so the both of you are not wasting your time.

Talking about time wasting, don’t play games either. If you like someone, show them that you like them. Respond to their messages on time and reciprocate affection. Call them regularly. Offer to do things for them.

But don’t force it or use your actions to pressure someone into a relationship. Sometimes, two people can like each other, but the other person just needs a bit of time. So be patient and gentle until the other person is ready.

Be a blessing with your resources

Now, I don’t mean that you should go and spend all you have trying to get someone’s affection, or to prove that you like someone.

Your resources could include your time (make time for the person and give your undivided attention when you’re together, listen to them as they open up and share their life with you), your finances (buying little gifts to let them know you’re thinking of them), or even your skills, e.g., cooking for them, or making them thoughtful gifts.

Whilst we all have different key love languages, most people appreciate it when they can see that time and effort have gone into a gift, be it a physical one, or some other creative idea you may come up with.

Being a blessing to others is all about how we treat them and make them feel. A quote attributed to Maya Angelou sums this up: “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Being a blessing to others is about leaving people better off for having met you, even if things don’t work out. But you don’t need to overthink it; I believe the words of Jesus truly sum it up- ‘love your neighbour as yourself’.

What are the ways you’ve found to be a blessing when dating?

Enjoyed reading ‘3 simple ways to be a blessing as you date’? Read more by Urenna Kiwanuka here.

The dating world can sometimes be a minefield, and even more so if it’s your first time stepping out of your comfort zone to try to meet people. Dating itself can be very exciting; you get to meet new people, make friends and hopefully end up with the person you will spend the rest of your life with. Wouldn’t it be great along the way if everyone acted with courtesy and grace when dealing with each other on the dating scene? Here’s how you can be a blessing to others as you date.

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Author: Urenna Kiwanuka