Faith

26th July 2024

6 important ways to show honour in dating

Let’s look at some simple but important ways to honour one another when dating.

Respect

First of all, we honour each other when we treat each other with respect. Respect in a dating relationship can look like respecting boundaries: moving at the pace of the other person, not forcing oneself or opinions on the other, not doing things that the other person clearly doesn’t like or is uncomfortable with, not taking the other person for granted, not assuming what the other person likes or doesn’t like, but asking them, and treating them with courtesy.

In practical terms it can mean responding to messages on time, being on time for dates, speaking to them in a kind and caring manner rather than a derogatory one. When we respect each other in a dating relationship, it shows that we see the other person as someone of value, and someone that is created in the image of God, and therefore, worthy of being treated right.

It also sets a great foundation for a future marriage. And even if the relationship doesn’t end in marriage, it leaves both parties feeling positive about the relationship after it ends.

Do unto others

The Bible also says that we should do to others what we would have them do to us. This is the Golden rule – treat each person how you would like to be treated. You could argue that if you apply the Golden rule in every situation when dating, you can’t go wrong.

An example of treating each other how you would like to be treated is being open and honest with the other person. This means choosing not to play games or string the other person along but being honest about how you feel especially if the relationship is not working for you. It may be hard to let someone know that it’s not working out especially if they don’t feel the same way, but honestly is the best policy and they would look back in future and be grateful that you were honest with them, instead of stringing them along and wasting their time.

Authenticity

Honesty and authenticity are crucial for any relationship. Showing up as your true self with no pretences is another way that you can honour the person you’re in a relationship with. When dating we naturally want to be on our best behaviour, and it can be tempting to try to be what you think the other person likes. But, this doesn’t serve either of you, and it is hard work! It is much better to be yourself and know that the other person likes you for who you are.

Confidentiality

Another way we can honour one another in a dating relationship is by maintaining the confidentiality of the relationship. Whilst it can be helpful to discuss certain aspects of your relationship with a trusted party, sharing every bit of information about your relationship dishonours the other person. This is especially true if you’re sharing things that they might have shared with you in confidence. Protecting the privacy of your relationship when dating will stand you in good stead when you go through rough patches in future, for example, in marriage.

If your partner offends you or you learn things that don’t portray them in the best light, instead of running to tell an outside party, choosing to work things out together shows that you value and respect your partner, thereby honouring them. Of course, if the person you’re dating is not respectful towards you and there are signs of concerning behaviour, don’t accept this as normal and carry on. Honour yourself and seek help outside of the relationship.

Honouring speech

Speaking well of our relationship (in a truthful way) is another way that we honour each other. No one is perfect, of course, but it is important that we talk about our partners in a way that is respectful, loving and kind. It can be tempting to join in negative talk, especially if you’re talking with people, or someone else that is complaining about their own relationship. Whilst there might be things that could be improved in your relationship, choosing to focus on the positive aspects and the good qualities of your partner is a way to honour them and your relationship.

Love languages

Lastly, learning your partner’s love language is a great way to honour them. Whether it’s acts of service, gifts, or words of affirmation, we all have different ways that make us feel loved. So, paying attention to what your partner’s love language is, and acting on it is a way to honour them, and show them that you truly care.

Honouring one another when dating shows that we care about the other person, and we value them. Treating them with respect, speaking well of them, maintaining their privacy and speaking their love language are all ways that we honour one another in a relationship.

What is the most important way you’ve found to show honour in dating?

If you’ve enjoyed ‘6 important ways to show honour in dating’, you might like ‘How to transition from meeting to dating to a healthy relationship‘ and ‘3 simple ways to be a blessing as you date‘

In Romans 12 verse 10, the Bible says, “Be devoted to one another in love. Honour one another above yourselves”. Paul was talking to the church in Rome, but this also applies to us as Christians, and I believe can also be applied to dating relationships. The word ‘honour’ means to hold in high respect, or with great esteem. It might sound like something we reserve only for God (whom we should of course, honour), our parents or spiritual leaders. But we can see from Paul’s letter that it is meant for the rest of us as well. So, how do we show honour in dating?

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Author: Urenna Kiwanuka

24th May 2024

Introducing ‘Celebrate You’ – Our new inspirational short film

'Celebrate you' - watch the new short film from Christian Connection

Every affirmation in ‘Celebrate you’ is rooted in scripture. Watch the film and then read more below.

Your passion: “Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame.” Song of Songs, 8:6

Joy and kindness: “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control.” Galatians 5:22-23

Faith: “Everything is possible for one who believes.” Mark 9:23

Purpose: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah, 29:11

Strength: “those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:31

“I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13

Courage: “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

Community: “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.” Proverbs 17:17

We want to you remember these important things too.

You are loved: ““I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.” Jeremiah 31:3

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[b] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:35-39

You are chosen: “You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you.” John 15:16

You are precious: “Since you are precious and honoured in my sight, and because I love you, I will give people in exchange for you,
nations in exchange for your life.” Isaiah 43:4

You are powerful: “For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.” 2 Timothy 1:7

You are wonderful: “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:14

You are amazing: “He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17

You are redeemed: “In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace.” Ephesians 1:7

You are unique: “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” Psalm 139:13-16

We hope you have enjoyed taking a minute to reflect on God’s love for you, and all the gifts he has given.

Amid life’s constant hustle and its highs and lows, we invite you to pause and reflect on some enduring truths. ‘Celebrate You’ is our new short film, created to help you reflect through powerful affirmations, highlighting your unique qualities and the infinite value you hold to God. Whether you’re watching on a big screen at a festival or on your phone at home, take a moment to let each word sink in and affirm God’s love for you and your worth in God’s eyes. Watch and be uplifted by a message of love, hope and personal strength today and always.

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Author: Christian Connection

29th March 2024

5 important things Easter teaches us about love

“For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son that whosoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16. This is a verse we often remember at Easter.

Sacrifice

Love is sacrificial. We need to learn to love like Christ. Love is not selfish, in fact in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 we learn that: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

If we can model Christ’s love by adopting the above traits, then we will learn sacrificial love. It’s about dying to self and putting the other person first. We are naturally selfish human beings, we want what is best for us – ‘I deserve this’, ‘I’m not changing for anyone’, ‘I’m a good person, surely I should have love’, ‘I want the best and won’t settle for less’. How many times do we hear ourselves saying those sentences?

Love is about what we can give and not what we can get, how can we best serve others and help others grow in Christ? Being in a relationship is not just about you – it’s about your partner too, so this is important to remember when dating. Of course, you don’t want to follow any red flags or be walked over, but if both parties are sacrificial and emulate God’s selfless love, then you will be working towards a godly, Christlike relationship.

Love

Everyone needs love. Love helps us to thrive. Love fills us up. Love is necessary to help us be empathetic, kind and godly. We know it is better to give than to receive – the giving of love is important.

In a dating or romantic relationship, the small things matter – little love notes, kind gestures, little ways of filling up your date or your partner’s day – without needing anything in return, are all examples of how you can love in a godly way. Consider the other person when making decisions, too, and let them know that you are thinking of them.

Jesus loves each and every person on this earth. Reading the Bible, you can see how He loved even those who hurt Him. Love is central, keep the fire alive, keep finding new ways to show your love and learn how your partner feels loved.

Forgiveness

Among Jesus’s last words before He died were “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). Forgiveness is vital in a long term, safe and happy relationship. We need to move on from the past, forgive, and keep no record of wrongs. For a relationship to work, you can’t be stubborn and leave matters not dealt with, as unforgiveness manifests itself in unkind behaviour, a toxic environment and unhappiness.

To be godly, we have to try and find a way to forgive when we’ve been hurt, we mustn’t bring up past mistakes as a tick list to making ourselves look righteous or to ‘win’ an argument. We all make mistakes, and we must try to keep the peace. Instead, we need to be humble just as Jesus is humble, we need to accept when we’re wrong, or forgive when necessary.

Fervent prayer

We know from the gospels that before Jesus was arrested, He went to pray in the garden, seeking God’s will and prayed hard. We know from Luke that sweat-like blood poured from His head. This is not just an ‘arrow’ prayer, this is serious prayer.

We need to pray as individuals and as a couple. When we are single, we need to be praying for our future partner; it’s never too early to do this. Take yourself off somewhere alone and pray.

When in a relationship we need to continue praying for our partner both together and alone. We can fight many battles in our prayer closet. We can become stronger together as a partnership when we battle through prayer together, as we put God in the centre of our lives.

If there are things we are worried about going into a relationship or while in a relationship, we can hand them over to God. God can move mightily and work miracles. We must be fervent in prayer, and we must make it a priority.

Reassurance

After Jesus rose from the dead, it wasn’t long before He was back making Himself known, providing reassurance to His friends, followers and family. We all need reassurance, and we all want to know that things will be ok. We can seek God for this reassurance, but also we can communicate and talk to our partners.

Easter is a time when we focus on Jesus, but also how we can be more Christlike in our attitudes and our way of life. Try not to focus on the world during this time – it’s superficial and although chocolates are nice, it’s important to look up to heaven, to seek Jesus and spend time with Him.

What has Jesus’s example at Easter taught you about love?

To read more about Easter on the Christian Connection blog, you might like ‘What the Easter story teaches us about hope‘ and ‘Why we should worship God this Easter‘

Easter is a time when we remember what Jesus did for us, His death and resurrection. Yes, it’s also a time when there are many happy, fluffy lambs, Easter eggs, chocolates and bunny rabbits, but the true meaning of Easter is all about Jesus and always will be. It is a solemn time, but also a time full of hope, excitement and a fresh start. We can go through a range of emotions as we remember this significant time in Christ’s life. What can we learn through this period of Easter to help us to be more Christlike and what can we bring into our dating lives and our relationships?

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Author: Hannah Grace

27th October 2023

3 simple ideas for building spiritual practice into your dating relationship

Building spiritual practices together can help to strengthen your relationship, but it is important to make sure you and the other person both see the value, and no one feels pressured into doing something they are not yet ready for or may not feel comfortable with. This is because some spiritual activities such as prayer, can be seen as intimate and personal, and it takes time to feel comfortable sharing that with someone else. You also want to avoid giving any false sense of security about the relationship if you’re still not sure what direction it is heading towards.

So, we know that spiritual activities are great for a relationship. But if this is something you’re keen on doing with your partner, how do you go about it?

Communication

For starters, I would say that communication is key. If you would like to start praying with your partner, for example, perhaps start by asking them how they would feel about praying together. Their reaction will help you gauge whether it is something you should pursue, or whether it needs a bit more time.

If they’re up for it, you could introduce prayer by praying together before the start of your dates, for example, but I would suggest keeping it light and simple (it is not a prayer meeting after all) and just asking God to be with both of you and bless your time together. If they would like to pray but are not quite ready to do it together, you could ask them if there is anything they would like specific prayer for, and you both could pray for each other separately, in your own individual prayer times.

Praying with and for each other helps you to get to know more about each other and can reveal what is important to the other person.

Church

Another spiritual activity you could do together is going to church together. If you’re further along in your relationship, for example, engaged or considering marriage, you may have already discussed whether you would attend one of each other’s churches in future, or find a new church altogether. But if you’re still in the early stages of your relationship, it is still a good idea to see the kind of church the person you’re dating attends.

Whilst there should be no pressure to attend each other’s churches, attending your partner’s church allows you to see what it is like, understand their theology, and decide whether it is somewhere you would potentially like to worship in future. If the church has an evening service or one that is less formal this may be a good place to start.

The other option to going to a church service is to attend a smaller meeting, such as a home group or fellowship. Be careful though, as smaller gatherings might make some people feel more exposed as fewer people sometimes means more questions about you and your relationship, which some people would feel uncomfortable with. When inviting someone to your church or fellowship, it is worth meeting them beforehand and heading to the venue together and making sure they feel comfortable by staying with them during the service, so they at least have a familiar face to engage with.

Scripture

One more practice you might want to consider is reading the Bible together. This is a great way to build intimacy in a relationship, learn from each other and understand what each other believes when it comes to Scripture and doctrine.

Again, ask your partner if this is something they would be interested in doing together, and if so, look for fun ways to do it. You could decide to go through a book of the Bible together- read a chapter on your own, and discuss it when you meet, or use a study guide to go through it together and share your thoughts when you meet.

You could even find some videos of teachings on the topic you’re studying and listen to / watch it together. Doing this not only helps each person with reading and studying the Bible but is also a great way to build a foundation for your future relationship.

As Christians, building spiritual practices is very important in any relationship, but it is important not to rush it when dating. Make sure the other person is comfortable and ready, and you’re both on the same page. Maintain communication, and as you progress in your relationship, you will feel more comfortable sharing these special activities with each other.

What are your tips for building spiritual practice into a developing relationship?

Enjoyed reading ‘3 simple ideas for building spiritual practice into your dating relationship’? Read more by Urenna Kiwanuka here

Building spiritual practice and growing in faith together is important in every Christian relationship, however, the timing and priority will be different for each couple. It can be difficult to know when or how to introduce this when you first meet someone, or a relationship starts to get serious. If you’re dating someone, ideally you should both have a similar mindset when it comes to spiritual activities, to avoid strife in your relationship. So where should you start?

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Author: Urenna Kiwanuka

28th July 2023

Do your best – and let God do the rest!

So, how do you know what you can or should do, and what should be entrusted to God? Should you approach someone you like directly, for example? Should you just pray and hope that God will bring someone your way? How long should you wait before trying something different? So many questions might be going through your mind and the dating scene can feel like a minefield sometimes. But I hope I can share a few things to help you navigate this.

Prayer

Let’s start with being prayerful. As Christians, we can’t underestimate the importance of prayer. It might seem like God isn’t interested in who we date or marry, but He certainly is. Whilst there may not be one specific person out there for us to marry, God knows the kind of person that is best for us, so we should ask His guidance before embarking on a relationship, and even before we get to that stage.

Praying shows that we trust God’s wisdom and believe that He knows what is best for us. It also prevents us from making mistakes when we do things in our own wisdom or strength. The Bible says in Proverbs 3:5-6; “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.”

Proactivity

Secondly, be proactive. Before I met my husband, I used to attend a small church that was made up of mostly women and hardly anyone my age. I loved it though and felt that was where God wanted me to be at the time. But I really wanted to be in a relationship and get married, so I made the decision to try online dating, and it worked!

If you’re in a similar situation, why not try something different? Whether it’s online dating, or speed dating, or even just joining a group of people with similar interests, being proactive is more likely to get you your desired results than just sitting at home hoping that man or woman will drop from the sky! It also shows God that you’re serious about what you desire, and He can then direct you accordingly.

Perseverance

Thirdly, don’t give up too soon. Just because you’ve been on the dating scene for nine months and you haven’t met anyone yet doesn’t mean you’ll never meet someone. Keep at it. Go to that event. Stay on the dating website. Say yes to invitations. The truth is you never know when or where you’ll meet someone, so be patient and don’t give up.

But what do you do if you’ve done all this, and it hasn’t really yielded any results? It’s important to remember that when God guides us, He sometimes does this by closing certain doors. So, whilst it may be disappointing that a particular contact didn’t lead to anything more serious, for example, it is important to not be discouraged or see this as the end of the road. If you’re really trusting God to guide you, trust that He knows what He is doing and will open the right door at the right time.

If you’re thinking of embarking on the dating journey, or you’re currently on it, remember that whilst you can trust God to lead you to the right person for you, you still need to take some action. So, do your best and God will do the rest!

How to hold on when you’re ready to give up on dating a Christian

The truth is, you don’t know why you’re still single. It’s not from want of trying, or trusting God, praying or trying to make yourself the best version of yourself. Waiting, patience and trusting seem to be the words that outwardly best describe your Christian journey of waiting for a partner and what you feel you should say, but the reality is you’re fed up with being single, you’re impatient, doubting and cross.

Really, the only way to really combat the feelings of loneliness, annoyance, frustration and bitterness is to hand it over fully to God. Easier said than done. but if God can make every single person on the planet, knows you inside out, knows how many hairs are on your head – do you not think that He knows what is truly best for you?

You may find yourself asking hard questions. Is it worth holding onto your Christian values and morals? We all have different values and principles – It may be that you are waiting until your wedding night for physical intimacy or it may be that you are seeking a Christian partner so that you will be equally yoked, and you feel these values are stopping you from progressing forward and finding someone.
However, how many times have you tried to take things into your own hands and it has worked perfectly? How many times have you done things God’s way, and it’s not worked out right?

God’s way is perfect

Taking these examples above, yes, the ‘easier’ route in the short term could be compromising to satisfy the craving to be wanted and combat the loneliness, but how long does that truly last? The reality then hits when it turns out that, for example, commitment is not on that person’s agenda and you are left hurt and lonely once again.

The long term goal is to find a partner for life. It may be ‘easier’ to find a non-Christian partner, as it may seem like there are more options there. In the short term it may seem that everything is fine, but long term, what happens when on Sundays you have differing values, what happens if you have children and want to bring them up in different ways, what happens if your time with God starts to dwindle?
God gives us values and says things for a reason and because He is the God of love, He is saying them because He loves you fully and wants the very best for you. So yes, whatever Christian values and morals you are holding fast to, keep hold of them because God sees and God does not forget.

God knows the desires of the heart, so why doesn’t He give them?

Parents know exactly what their children want – I know that my son wants chocolate, cheese and cake. Does that mean I give it to him when he wants it? No – I give it at the right time in moderation, otherwise my son will grow up spoilt, overweight and demanding! Parents are in control of the treats so that their children can get the best nutrition, just as God gifts us good things in His time for good reasons.
We are not in control of God and the timing of when He gives us things, as it comes across as entitled.

The Bible says that “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?” Jeremiah 17:9. If we let our heart lead and desires take over, it can end with only a short term satisfaction but long term problems, instead we are called to “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding” Proverbs 3:5.

Look at what God has given you already, refresh your viewpoint and see the things that God has showered upon you – it could be a roof over your head, loving friends, food on the table, an income. Matthew 7:11 says “If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him!”

Is it worth just settling for anyone? Patience is a virtue, the Bible says a lot about it, “Love is patient” (1 Cor 13:4), “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” (Gal 5:22) Does settling and doing things your way look like the fruits of the spirit? Why settle for anyone when God can ordain the perfect match for you, a son or daughter of The King? During this time of singlehood, you can use it to grow more Christlike – God is constantly chiselling us all, just as parents train their children, He is making you ready to be the best version of yourself to meet your special someone.

What if God leads to a life of singleness, unwillingly?

Sometimes God does call people to singleness. Could you find contentment in that? If you truly can’t, then chances are God is putting things into place for your partner to arrive, we can’t see the whole picture, just one piece at a time, but God can see everything. Sometimes we do need to be able to find contentment in singleness so that we are not idolising a relationship above our relationship with God.

God wants to remove all idols so that we worship Him alone, and if all you think about, wish for and seek is a life long partner and it consumes you (as it did me!) then we need to lay that idol down at the foot of the cross and see that our relationship with God is all sufficient. Only when we do that are we ready to embark upon a godly human relationship with God at the centre.

Hold fast, seek God, pray and know that there is more going on behind the scenes than you are aware of. If it is God’s will, then He will bring about the right partner at the right time, but don’t try to manoeuvre and work it out yourself. Let God do His work, don’t do His work for Him, as He can do it much better than you could ever even try.

Enjoyed reading ‘How to hold when you’re ready to give up on dating a Christian’? Read more by Hannah Grace here

There’s only so much “It’ll happen at the right time”, “You just haven’t met the one”, “Don’t give up”, or “God’s timing is perfect” you can take before it starts to get old! The worst is “Why are you still single, you’re such a good catch?” – the most infuriating question that used to sting me when I got asked, kicking me when I was down. How can you remain godly in your search for a Christian, staying true to what the Bible says about looking for a Christian partner, without compromising when you want to pack it all in, throw in the towel and stop the feelings of loneliness?

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Author: Hannah Grace