how to find a good man

17th March 2024

Why You Should Give (the RIGHT) Guys a Second Chance When Dating

Notes from the podcast:

In the ever-evolving world of dating, finding the perfect match can feel like navigating through a maze with no apparent exit. It’s easy to find reasons to dismiss potential partners at the slightest hint of a red flag. After all, the dating pool is filled with individuals who, for various reasons, might not make the cut. The temptation to swiftly move on—dubbed as “NEXT-ing” someone—is a reality many face in the quest for love.

However, the danger lies in becoming too selective, dismissing individuals who might have been compatible partners. This fear of making the wrong choice, of NEXT-ing the wrong person, haunts many. It’s a delicate balance between being discerning and overly critical, the latter often a guise for avoidance.

But it’s crucial to distinguish between deal-breakers and minor faux pas. Not every mistake warrants a farewell, and understanding the nuances is key in this pursuit. This article is not an endorsement of endlessly forgiving and forgetting but rather a guide to identifying when someone might deserve a second chance.

Three Signs He Deserves Another Shot

1. He’s Not Asking You Out… Because He’s Intimidated**

It’s easy to misconstrue hesitation as disinterest. But what if his reluctance stems from fear of rejection or the belief that he’s not good enough? This is where a “Bigger Welcome Mat” comes in. Enhancing your approachability through positive body language—eye contact, smiles, breaking the touch barrier—can encourage him to make a move.

2. First Date Jitters Manifest Differently

-The Silent Type: Men might default to letting women lead the conversation due to nerves or social conventions. Encourage dialogue by asking questions and showing genuine interest.

-The Braggart: Overcompensating for the fear of an awkward silence, he might monopolize the conversation. Here, taking a more active role in steering the conversation can help balance the exchange.

-The Awkward Beau: A bit of awkwardness isn’t a red flag; it’s a sign of inexperience or nervousness. Recognizing the effort and potential beneath the surface is essential.

3. He Said Something Off-Putting

Everyone slips up, but context matters. If his comment was downright disrespectful or hurtful towards you, it’s a clear signal to move on. However, setting clear boundaries can be a constructive response if it’s only a tasteless joke or awkward comment. It’s an opportunity to communicate your standards and observe whether he respects them.

Conclusion: The Wisdom in Second Chances

The journey to finding a compatible partner is fraught with uncertainties and learning experiences. While it’s vital to have standards and deal-breakers, it’s equally important to remain open to the possibility of growth and change. Not every misstep is indicative of a flawed character. Sometimes, it’s just a stumble on the path to understanding and intimacy.

The post Why You Should Give (the RIGHT) Guys a Second Chance When Dating appeared first on Love Strategies.

Notes from the podcast: In the ever-evolving world of dating, finding the perfect match can feel like navigating through a maze with no apparent exit. It’s easy to find reasons to dismiss potential partners at the slightest hint of a red flag. After all, the dating pool is filled with individuals who, for various reasons,…

The post Why You Should Give (the RIGHT) Guys a Second Chance When Dating appeared first on Love Strategies.

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Author: Adam LoDolce

10th March 2024

Do You REALLY Know What You Want in a Partner?

Notes from the podcast:

Everyone has an ideal partner checklist that might include attributes like “6 foot, 6 figures, 6 pack abs.”

Yet, posing the question, “What do you want in a partner?” uncovers a fundamental challenge in dating that many fail to answer correctly, if at all. It’s common to assert confidently, “I KNOW what I want,” but do we really?

Research reveals a striking contradiction: individuals often fail to pursue or show interest in potential partners who meet their stated preferences. This discrepancy suggests that many people don’t truly understand their own desires in relationships.

The Core of the Misunderstanding

This misunderstanding can stem from several issues. Some might not know what they want, but it’s more likely that the target is “fuzzy” — somewhat known but unclear. This lack of clarity can be attributed to insufficient experience, introspection, reflection, and planning.

Others might know what they want but need help with implementation. For instance, someone may seek an intellectually stimulating partner and exclusively date individuals with advanced degrees, mistakenly equating education level with intelligence, thus relying on inaccurate indicators.

A Strategy for Clarity

To navigate these challenges, let’s try a two step strategy.

1. Have a Plan: Drawing inspiration from Benjamin Franklin’s wisdom, “By failing to plan, you are preparing to fail,” it’s time to develop a Love Vision. Envision your ideal relationship without making it overly complex. This vision should be simple, focused, and prioritized, akin to the metaphor of fitting large rocks, pebbles, and sand into a jar. Importantly, create this plan objectively and without any specific person in mind to prevent emotions from clouding your judgment. Treat this document as a living one, regularly updating it based on new insights and experiences, thus ensuring it reflects your true priorities and not just passing infatuations.

2. Experience is the Best Teacher: Actively date multiple people to broaden your understanding of what you truly need and want in a relationship. This approach is about moving quickly to meet a variety of individuals, using your Love Vision as a filter to narrow down prospects. Adjust your Love Vision as you gather new data from these experiences. While some may have reservations about dating multiple people, viewing it as an information-gathering phase, akin to job interviews or car test drives, can reframe these concerns. Remember, the goal is to diversify your experiences to refine your understanding of your desires.

Conclusion

We often understand our preferences and let them guide our decisions in life. Yet, when it comes to relationships, this approach can lead us astray, as what we think we want may not align with what truly fulfills us. By developing a clear Love Vision and embracing diverse dating experiences, we can move closer to understanding and finding what we genuinely seek in a partner. This journey of discovery is not just about finding someone who fits a list of criteria but about understanding ourselves and what we genuinely need to find happiness and fulfillment in love.

The post Do You REALLY Know What You Want in a Partner? appeared first on Love Strategies.

Notes from the podcast: Everyone has an ideal partner checklist that might include attributes like “6 foot, 6 figures, 6 pack abs.” Yet, posing the question, “What do you want in a partner?” uncovers a fundamental challenge in dating that many fail to answer correctly, if at all. It’s common to assert confidently, “I KNOW…

The post Do You REALLY Know What You Want in a Partner? appeared first on Love Strategies.

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Author: Adam LoDolce

28th December 2023

10 Signs He’s a Boy and Not a MAN

Notes from today’s podcast:

Introduction:

One of the most common challenges clients often voice is finding “good” men. However, the real question isn’t necessarily “Where are they?” but rather “How do we identify the ‘right’ guy?” In this blog post, we’ll help you recognize the qualities that make a man worthy of your time and affection.

In Defense of Guys:

Before we embark on this journey, it’s essential to acknowledge that societal and upbringing factors often send mixed and, at times, negative messages about masculinity. Guys aren’t always raised to be inherently relationship-oriented. Instead, they may develop traits associated with independence, a lone-wolf mentality, competitiveness, and an inclination to hide their feelings, all under the shadow of toxic masculinity.

Time to Separate the Men from the Boys:

To navigate the dating world effectively, it’s crucial to distinguish between boys and men. Here’s how you can differentiate the two:

#1. Self-Oriented vs. Relationship-Oriented:

–Boy: Selfish, focused on himself, and often acts as a taker.

–Man: Focused on others, empathetic, understanding, and a giver.

#2. Compliments and Intentions:

–Boy: Compliments a woman to gain something from her, often driven by personal desires.

–Man: Compliments a woman genuinely, dating with kindness and authenticity, without worrying about his needs.

#3. Display of Resources:

–Boy: Flaunts his resources and accomplishments, often showing off.

–Man: Understated and confident in his character, understanding that quality counts more than flashy displays.

#4. Emotional Intelligence:

–Boy: Avoids emotions and views them as “girl stuff,” maintaining emotional walls.

–Man: In touch with his emotions, values them, understands and shares them openly, and possesses high emotional intelligence.

#5. Vulnerability:

–Boy: Struggles with his masculinity, often attempting to appear tough and infallible.

–Man: Comfortable with vulnerability, open about his feelings, and willing to show weakness.

#6. Commitment and Reliability:

–Boy: Makes promises he can’t keep and tends to be flaky.

–Man: Honors his word, follows through on commitments, and values reliability.

#7. Conflict Resolution:

–Boy: Always seeks to be right and avoids taking responsibility for his actions.

–Man: Acknowledges mistakes, takes responsibility and works towards modifying his behavior.

#8. Relationship Dynamics:

–Boy: Competes with his partner, needing to feel superior.

–Man: Views his partner as an equal and embraces a partnership that conquers challenges together.

#9. Jealousy and Control:

–Boy: Exhibits jealousy, insecurity, and a need for control, sometimes isolating his partner.

–Man: Possesses self-confidence and trust in his partner and encourages her to maintain her social connections.

#10. Attitude Towards Intelligence and Success:

-Boy: Intimidated by an intelligent, successful woman needing to be the star.

-Man: Stimulated by her; seeks someone better to learn from and grow together, fostering synergy.

Before You Judge:

While these distinctions may appear straightforward, it’s essential to recognize that boys can sometimes be appealing, too. They can be attractive, charming, and charismatic, putting on an excellent act, albeit temporarily. Boys can be skilled at flattery, making you feel beautiful and special.

The Search for a Man:

It’s important to remember that true men do exist. The key lies in knowledge, patience, and discipline. Armed with an understanding of what to look for, you can navigate the dating world with confidence and clarity.

Wrap Up:

In your pursuit of a fulfilling relationship, aim for more than just any guy—aim for a man. Seek someone emotionally available, comfortable in their own skin (as opposed to false confidence), honest, open, trusting, and views the relationship as a genuine partnership between equals. With the right knowledge and discernment, you’ll be well on your way to finding the right partner.

The post 10 Signs He’s a Boy and Not a MAN appeared first on Love Strategies.

Notes from today’s podcast: Introduction: One of the most common challenges clients often voice is finding “good” men. However, the real question isn’t necessarily “Where are they?” but rather “How do we identify the ‘right’ guy?” In this blog post, we’ll help you recognize the qualities that make a man worthy of your time and…

The post 10 Signs He’s a Boy and Not a MAN appeared first on Love Strategies.

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Author: Adam LoDolce