love

16th November 2024

Keeping Love Alive and Balanced: A Man’s Guide to Balance

Women can only love men in two ways – they can love men as hoes, or they can love men as mothers. Hoes love the sex; mothers love taking care of the man. A man needs a woman to give him both kinds of love in order for him to love her fully and have the energy to fight the temptations that come with being a man. Sadly, the difficult part is no woman can be a ho and a mother at the same exact time, equally – some external force is needed to make that happen.

That external force is GAME. It is game that drives and directs all relationships.

Game is that thing that men develop, which helps them persuade a woman to do something, that she doesn’t initially feel like doing, If a woman doesn’t initially feel like going on a date, your game is what makes her feel that she should give you an opportunity to get a date. The more you exercise your game, the better you become at dealing with various forms of women’s resistance. In the long run the whole purpose of building your game with multiple women, is ultimately, to have a monogamous relationship because the game needed to keep one woman in a LTR far outweighs the amount of game needed to keep 5 women in the stable at once, since the LTR woman eventually will get used to your game, and you’ll have to constantly upgrade it, to keep her interested in you.

When a woman first falls in love with a guy, she tries very hard to be a ho and a mother at the same time. Usually though, you’ll find what side of the fence she’s naturally on very quickly. The motherly one will not be in a rush to have sex, the ho will. The ho will not be in a rush to cook for you, the motherly one will bring you some samples to eat, very early on.

The motherly woman is very kind, loving and caring. She wants to wash your clothes, she wants to massage your back when it’s aching, cook your food etc. And that’s a beautiful thing; it makes you feel good to have that kind of love in your life. However, there’s a flipside. – a motherly loving woman, just like your mother will always feel that YOU NEED HER. She feels that without her, you wouldn’t be able to stand on your own. Like all mothers, she will always view you as her baby. In other words, she loves you, but she doesn’t respect you. Hard to see a woman viewing you like that, and still getting wet for you, don’t you think?

The hoish woman is the one who gets d*ckmatized. She loves f&^king. She is always down to bring or accept something new into the bedroom. Her love is based on her desire to be physically intimate and to submit to her man’s physical control and direction. However, the bad thing about all hoes, is that they’re hoes, and outside of sex, they really don’t want to do anything else for you. They don’t want to wash your clothes, they don’t want to massage your back, they don’t want to cook for you etc. They love f*cking but they have no desire to be “pleasant” or relieve you of the stress that comes with being a man who gets no credit for the work he provides to his family or society, each and every day.

Now here’s the question that ought to be asked if you’re not already asking it: why can’t a woman naturally be 50% ho and 50% mother? The answer to that question is very simple – She doesn’t know how to! Most women don’t start out like men do having to learn how to persuade women to give them something that they don’t initially want to. The vast majority of women only start working on the art of persuasion when they have a man that they feel they’re in love with.

Since most men don’t utilize scenarios where a woman has to figure out how to persuade a man to give her something (outside of using some variation of sex, which she ought to give him anyhow as part of keeping the relationship alive and passionate) women grow to not appreciate the things their men give them, and become more and more entitled. And when they meet men who don’t give them things that they think they “deserve” based on the things men gave them in the past for free, they begin to view the other men as stuck-up, over-confident, bitter etc when in reality, it’s the fault of the men of the past, who never helped the women learn how to persuade to get their way.

The downfall of a relationship always begins when a man gets comfortable. When a man gets comfortable, he no longer feels the need or the urge to persuade which makes a woman feel like she is being taken for granted. As he gets comfortable, the woman loses her desire to persuade, and resolves deeper and deeper to the love that she is accustomed to. Before long, the negatives of the love that she naturally possesses begin to seep into a relationship and cause problems. The mother begins to nag, demands that you do chores, complains that she does all the work and you take her for granted. The ho begins to complain that you’re out too much, and she’s not getting f*&ked like she used to. She wants to go out to eat all the time, and when you have to eat inside she finds it difficult to even prepare a plate of spaghetti and meatballs. When things fall apart, you’ll both yell and scream. You’ll blame each other, but at the end…

It’s always your fault fellas… if you’re not using your game to direct your relationship; you’re allowing your woman’s innate nature to drag your relationship into purgatory.

Agree? Disagree? What do you think?

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Author: Alex Wise

30th November 2022

Holding on Too Long? A Story about Cars and Love

Over the summer, I was in Boston and out to dinner with a colleague who specializes in relationships. We’ll call him Adam because, well, his name is Adam LoDolce. When two relationship experts go out to dinner and strike up a conversation with the waitress, you’d assume the topic du jour would be love, dating, and relationships.

You’d be wrong.

For the Love of Cars

Instead, we chatted with our waitress Jordan about cars. Yup, automobiles. It all started when Jordan overheard me say how much I love my 10-year-old car, despite it having ancient technology (an old iPod connector in the glovebox) and completely lacking modern basics like a backup camera. I was saying to Adam that despite these annoyances, and clear justification for an upgrade, I’m riding with this car until it dies.

Overhearing this, Jordan shared how she was similarly dedicated to her car. But it was a little different because, in her words, her car “sucked so bad.” A ringing endorsement for sure. Ever curious about how people think about the world and make decisions, I asked her to explain.

It was her first car. Not the first one she had ever driven, but the first real serious car that she considered her own. She thoroughly researched it, looked at lots of different models, picked this one, and bought it with her own money that she saved up. She didn’t just buy any old car. She did it right. After years of public transportation and bumming rides off of others, she had saved up enough to buy a luxury model, the type of car that anyone would agree is a top-end, high-quality vehicle. Expensive, but she deserved it.

Or so it seemed at first.

Car Trouble

Jordan went on to describe what seemed like the world’s longest list of car troubles. It was long. It was involved. It. Never. Seemed. To. End. Frankly, there’s more than I can remember or give justice to here. Actually, if I’m being honest, either because of the story or the wine, I may have zoned out a bit. But to say it was exhaustive is an understatement. Jordan’s car troubles were not only numerous, but they were comprehensive—impacting every facet of the car, from electrical, to mechanical, to basics, like her key fob not working and requiring a $100+ replacement. I felt traumatized on her behalf.

Hearing all of this, I remarked, “But you’re keeping it?” To which she replied, “Of course I am, it’s my car, and it’s a high-end brand name car” (In reality, she had no problem constantly name-dropping the type of car, but I’m leaving it anonymous so that I don’t get sued.)

A Keeper or a Trade-In?

My question is…should she have kept the car and continued to spend money on never-ending repairs? Or should she have traded it in a long time ago?

Hearing this story about a car as an objective outsider, the answer is obvious. No more repairs, no more money, no more waiting. She deserved better and should trade this car in as soon as possible.

But that’s not how we treat things we love. And that’s the problem.

A Metaphor for Relationships

Though Jordan was quite literally talking about her car, her feelings about it are a metaphor for relationships. Despite every obvious sign telling her that her car was unsalvageable, she stuck with it because it meant something to her. Each new expense or problem triggered the natural reaction to dislike the car and swear this was the last time she’d fix it. But it wasn’t.

She kept fixing it because it was part of her identity. She stuck with it because she remembered that feeling she had when she first purchased it. She held on to her early optimism, hoping that everything would eventually work out, that it would be the car she wanted it to be, that she knew it could be. The reality told a different story, but she was undeterred.

It was clear that she was miserable with this car, but her feelings had a certain romanticism to them. Jordan spoke proudly of her dedication and loyalty. She knew others would have quit on this car, but not her. She was going to rescue it. The problem, of course, is that she’s stuck driving a horrible car, and that wasn’t ever going to change. She was stuck. She was still miserable about it.

Two Key Lessons…

Realizing that Jordan’s car story is a metaphor for how many of us approach relationships is eye-opening in itself (go back and re-read it with a relationship in mind…it maps on nearly perfectly). But there are two key lessons to take away.

First, our romanticism about relationships can undermine our decision-making. Love can make us blind, deaf, and even a little dumb. Instead of seeing things as they are, our romanticism encourages us to see what we hope will be. We’re way too optimistic. To make that a reality, we make excuses and convince ourselves that things will change and that our partner will get there. We see redeeming qualities and hopeful signs that no one else would ever notice. Our partner just needs time and a little help from us.
That’s the second key point. We can’t continue devoting our time, energy, effort, and resources to a failing relationship, hoping our most recent effort is the one that turns things around. Economists call this “throwing good money after bad,” and it’s a problem that plagues relationships. If we forgive our partner this one last time or give them one more chance, everything will work out. What you’re really doing is wasting time and delaying your ability to find the truly great partner you deserve.

We don’t want to quit too early but conveniently ignore the very real costs of holding on too long.

Make no mistake, whether you’re talking about cars or relationships, sticking with things too long is expensive. So much of what we put into our relationship, we can’t get back. Being in a lackluster relationship also costs us the opportunity to find a better relationship.

You can do better. You deserve better.

Go out and find better.

And if you’re driving around Boston and see someone in an expensive car broken down on the side of the road, give Jordan a hand.

Hope this helps,

Gary

Gary W. Lewandowski Jr., Ph.D. an award-winning professor, researcher, writer, and relationship expert. His TED talk and relationship programs have been enjoyed by millions worldwide. As a Love Strategies Instructor, he shares insights from 25 years of experience studying the science of relationships to help women build a deeper, more meaningful romantic connection with their partner.

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Author: Gary Lewandowski

17th October 2022

The 10 Greatest Love Stories of All Time

Are women unrealistic in their expectations of love? Do we demand so much from men that none can ever hope to measure up? What is the love that we dream of as girls, and can we ever really find it?

My own views of love were undoubtedly shaped, at least in part, by the many books I read and movies I watched as a girl. Like most women, I’ve never outgrown my appetite for a great love story. Thinking about my favorites of all time, I realized that a common theme is sacrifice, even death. The greatest, most enduring loves are often doomed, and the tragedy fuels the passion.

Is this just the stuff of fiction, or is it possible that a real man could love one woman for all eternity?

This kind of love does exist, it is real. It is not rare!

Hold out for the real thing.

While you’re waiting, and you have a few lonely Friday nights to kill, here are my Top 10 love stories of all time:

1. Wuthering Heights, Emily Bronte

An unpolished and devastating epic of childhood playmates who grow into soul mates, but are separated by class and cruelty. Heathcliff and Cathy believe they’re destined to love each other forever, and when she dies in childbirth he begs her spirit to remain on earth forever, to haunt him and drive him mad.

The 1970 film adaptation starring Timothy Dalton had me in an adolescent swoon, but I’ve also enjoyed the book while nursing a broken heart.

2. Casablanca, 1943

Two years after running out on him in Paris and breaking his heart, Ilsa visits Rick’s nightclub in the company of her husband, WWII Resistance leader Victor Lazslo. Ilsa and Rick are still very much in love, but Rick sacrifices her to Lazslo, for the good of the war effort. He tells her, “We’ll always have Paris.”

This film contains so many memorable characters and scenes, it’s much more than a love story. Ingrid Bergman is radiant, and her chemistry with Humphrey Bogart is surprisingly intense.

3. Romeo and Juliet/West Side Story

Forbidden love between young people from warring clans ends tragically in death. In R&J, Romeo kills himself rather than live without Juliet, who he mistakenly believes has died.

Franco Zeferelli’s 1968 version of Romeo and Juliet was lovely. I’m also a big fan of Baz Luhrmann, and his modern interpretation was interesting. West Side Story is a great film, focusing on the senseless bigotry that separates the lovers.

4. Titanic, 1997

Jack Dawson and Rose DeWitt Bukator fall in love aboard the Titanic a couple of days before it sinks. The two are inseparable until the bitter end, when Jack stays in the water, giving Rose the only spot on a makeshift raft. She survives, changes her name to Rose Dawson and lives her long life as a tribute to Jack. She said, “He loved me in every way that a person can be loved.”

I absolutely adored Kate Winslet and Leonard diCaprio in this film. In fact, I was such a sucker for this movie that I purchased “My Heart Will Go On” on itunes.

5. Roman Holiday, 1953

Gregory Peck plays newspaper reporter Joe Bradley, who finds a beautiful young woman (Audrey Hepburn) asleep on a park bench in Rome and takes her home. She turns out to be a runaway princess, and Joe plans to write an exclusive story about her for his paper. But the two fall in love during their one crazy day together, and Joe realizes he cannot exploit her. Princess Anne must return to her people, and Joe attends her final press conference, heartbroken.

The only story in my top 10 where the love doesn’t get consummated, it is nonetheless a totally believable love. You know that Joe and Princess Anne will never forget each other.

6. Jane Eyre, Charlotte Bronte

A newly employed governess, Jane falls for the dark and difficult Mr. Rochester. At their wedding, Jane discovers that he is already married to a crazed woman who lives in the attic. She flees, but one night hears Mr. Rochester calling her name over the moors. She returns to find him blind and missing a hand, the result of a fire set by the mad Mrs. Rochester. They marry and live happily ever after. He even regains sight in one eye, allowing him to see their newborn son.

I loved the 1996 film starring William Hurt and Charlotte Gainsbourg (directed by Franco Zeferelli), but my absolute favorite is the 2006 BBC miniseries, which rachets up the sexual tension very successfully. Don’t miss the book though, it’s a must read.

7. Bridges of Madison County, 1995

Meryl Streep plays Italian housewife Francesca Johnson whose family is away at the Iowa State Fair. Robert Kincaid (Clint Eastwood) is a National Geographic photographer who comes to town to photograph Rosamunde Bridge, and the two fall hopelessly in love. They have four perfect days before Francesca’s family is due to return, and they live every moment for each other. Though they never see each other again, Robert wears her locket for the rest of his life, and asks to have his ashes scattered at the bridge where they fell in love. Years later, she requests the same of her own children in her will, stating that she gave herself to their father in life, but wishes to spend eternity with Robert in death.

The book is one of the worst I’ve ever read, but Clint Eastwood does absolutely incredibly things with the movie. I make a point of watching this at least once a year. An absolute favorite.

8. Moulin Rouge, 2001

Ewan McGregor plays a young poet named Christian who arrives in Paris, where he falls for a prostitute and performer at the Moulin Rouge named Satine (Nicole Kidman). As the film progresses, we become aware that Satine is dying of tuberculosis. A year after her death, Christian writes their story, fulfilling his final promise to her, saying, ““The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.”

Another film from Baz Luhrmann, charming and compelling. Ewan McGregor is to die for (no pun intended).

9. Tristan and Isolde, 2006

Tristan is an English soldier wounded during a battle in Ireland. He is secretly nursed back to health by the Irish king’s daughter Isolde and the two fall deeply in love. He returns to England, and in time the Irish king decides to give his daughter in marriage to Lord Marke, a close friend of Tristan’s. Tristan must watch as his true love marries another, and in time the separation is too much for Tristan and Isolde to bear. They begin to see each other secretly, and are inevitably discovered. They risk everything for one last moment in each other’s arms.

This film is a retelling of a medieval romantic legend, based on Wagner’s opera. All I can say is that James Franco as Tristan is super hot. I would have thrown it all away for him, too.

10. Persuasion, Jane Austen

At the age of 19, Anne Elliot was persuaded to reject the proposal of her love Frederick Wentworth, a young man with insufficient financial prospects for a woman of good breeding. Eight years later, Wentworth returns as a naval Captain, having made his fortune in the Napoleonic Wars. At 27, Anne is a spinster, and loves him still. He is still smarting from the earlier rejection, and she must watch as he courts someone new. In the end, though, it’s no use. Capt. Wentworth still loves her and this time she accepts his proposal.

Love the book, it’s such a good read. In fact, it inspired me to visit Bath, England a few years ago. The 1995 BBC film is very, very good. Amanda Root and Ciaran Hinds are perfect in it, in part because neither one is beautiful. The British have always done this really well — hiring their actors for talent rather than just looks. No flaky Cameron Diaz playing Miss Anne Elliot here.

It was very difficult culling this list to just 10 stories. If you have a favorite, please share it!

The post The 10 Greatest Love Stories of All Time appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

Are women unrealistic in their expectations of love? Do we demand so much from men that none can ever hope to measure up? What is the love that we dream of as girls, and can we ever really find it? My own views of love were undoubtedly shaped, at least in part, by the many […]

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Author: J. T. Ellison

17th October 2022

Do Beer Emotions Count?

“Neon shines through smoky eyes tonight

It’s 2 AM, I’m drunk again, it’s heavy on my mind

Excuse me please, one more drink

Could you make it strong ’cause I don’t need to think”

Dave Matthews Band

How can you know what he really means if he says one thing when drunk and something else when sober? Which is the true feeling?

I have always wondered about this. Even in the era of traditional dating, we knew that a guy was more likely to open up after a few beers. But we were never sure how to interpret drunken declarations of emotion. It’s much worse now. Successfully navigating the hookup culture necessitates repressing emotions, lest they prove inconvenient or awkward.

Moments of mushiness are rare between two people in the early stages of a relationship. Often, guys don’t want to provide encouragement to relationship-minded girls, and girls are wary of coming across as too needy and demanding. Sex occurs, meaningful dialog doesn’t.

When I was a freshman in college, I had been seeing a guy for a couple of months and I was crazy about him. We went to a New Year’s Eve party together, where he got really, really drunk. As I tucked him in for the night on my couch, he grabbed me and said, “Wait, I have to tell you something. I love you.” Wow. No one had ever said that to me before. I was very happy. He was hung over in the morning, but acted normal. I never heard from him again.

We were both on a college ski trip a couple of weeks later, and he studiously avoided me, both on the slopes and off. I was very unhappy. Two years later, I cornered him at a party, basically got all up in his face and demanded an explanation. (This time I was the drunk one.) He didn’t want to answer at first, but then said, “To be honest, I couldn’t believe I said what I did. I remembered it the next day and it freaked me out. I was embarrassed.” That’s all I got. I would have liked to go outside and discuss it for about two hours, but no dice.

I’ve always wondered if he meant it drunk and got scared sober. Or if he was BS’ing me drunk, and didn’t want to own it once he sobered up. Either way, I wish we could have talked about it. I still liked him two years later, even though I was dating someone else then. He was killed in a car crash shortly after that, falling asleep at the wheel. It sounds trite, but I remember feeling what a waste it was to keep those emotions in check. Emotions should be messy and all over the place. Good or bad, I’d have liked to understand him better.

Here’s how Urban Dictionary defines the phenom:

1. Drunk Sincerity: After a certain point of inebriation, one begins to say things that sound good in their current mental state, any of which said sober would sound utterly retarded.

Person A: “You know I’ve always loved you.”

Person B: “That’s just Drunk Sincerity, go sleep it off.”

2. Beer Tears: When, after a few drinks, one will proceed to become an unhappy drunk, and begin to cry and shed tears about anything remotely bothering them, e.g., crying about ex-boyfriend, inability to microwave easymac, spilling a drink on one’s shirt.

3. Here’s a typical example of a Beer Emotions text:

ii love u i mean it. I love them too but i love you more and ur so hott lets hook upp come to thhe party xxx

The next morning:

“God, I’m so sorry I texted you, it was just drunk love, seriously. We’re okay, right?”

What are the facts about beer emotions?

” In vino veritas”– “in wine there is truth” — is sometimes attributed to the natural philosopher Pliny the Elder. The observation made in the 1st century has been borne out over the millennia by many a remorseful inebriate. And, in truth, alcohol given as intravenous ethanol was an early form of truth serum.

Alcohol stimulates the reward circuits in the brain, such as the nucleus accumbens, that give rise to pleasurable feelings. It doesn’t suppress emotional centers, but instead impairs cognitive-processing capacity. So you experience all your feelings, but lose the ability to make decisions about what to express.

While a drunk person may be more likely to confess their secrets, they are not incapable of lying, nor will they necessarily share any information that is asked of them. All of truth serums work in the same manner: They depress the central nervous system and interfere with judgment and higher cognitive function.

When Mel Gibson sounded off in a drunken, anti-Semitic rant in 2006, he claimed it was the booze talking. Experts disagreed:

“When anyone drinks there is a neurological and psychological regression, and the higher the blood alcohol level, the more primitive and hostile the response that comes out,” says Gary L. Malone, MD, an addiction psychiatrist and the medical director and chief of psychiatry at Baylor All Saints Medical Center in Fort Worth, Texas. “Alcohol can’t make you think or feel things.”

And:

“People should be held accountable for what they say drunk as well as sober, and forgiveness should not be based on ‘the alcohol made me do it’ adds Carleton Kendrick EdM, LCSW, a family therapist in Boston. “Alcoholics will tell you that they try to watch what they say when they are drunk, but that’s a conundrum because alcohol frees the tongue to say what is in the heart.”

Many people use alcohol to “loosen up.” Indeed, alcohol lowers one’s inhibitions, which allows people to feel less guilty about their activities. Studies have shown, however, that alcohol will not make people do things they would not normally consider doing while in a sober state of mind, except that alcohol increases the chances of stumbling, falling, crashing cars and making other blunders. Alcohol gives people a little more courage to do what they desire, and less aware of what they are doing. But, alcohol is NOT an excuse for one’s actions.

The definition of legally drunk is an alcohol level of .08-.10%. At .05%, emotions become intensified, by .08%, judgment is affected, and at .10%, emotions are exaggerated.

What does this mean for you? Well, do you want the good news or the bad news first? The good news is that people basically speak the truth when they’re drunk. The bad news is that they can still refuse to own it once they’re sober. I mean, you can’t exactly ply the guy you like with beers 24/7 in hopes of a romantic moment, now, can you?

Here’s what I recommend:

Interpret beer emotions as a fairly reliable gauge as to where the dude is sitting emotionally.
Keep that knowledge to yourself. It can be useful when you are seeing a guy to know what he’s really thinking, but you squander that if you spill the beans.
Look for a natural progression in his communication, whereby he begins to express his emotions when sober. If he always represses or denies his feelings in the morning, he is not good boyfriend material. In fact, he is probably a complete waste of time. In the end, intentions don’t count. Only actions do.
Understand that it is not always appropriate to act on one’s feelings. If your ex is dating someone else, but still has feelings for you, you don’t want to be getting entangled with him. Sometimes suppressing emotions is the right and fair thing to do.

What do you think? How have you dealt with this issue? Are you surprised by these findings?

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“Neon shines through smoky eyes tonight It’s 2 AM, I’m drunk again, it’s heavy on my mind Excuse me please, one more drink Could you make it strong ’cause I don’t need to think” Dave Matthews Band How can you know what he really means if he says one thing when drunk and something else […]

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Author: Diana D