Category: dating_advice

I think the guy who parks next to me at my apartment is attractive. From what I can tell he is single and a homebody, so perfect for me! I have only interacted with him a little bit in passing, but I plan on leaving a note in his door saying I would love to get to know him over a drink or coffee if he’s interested.

Would you find this flattering or creepy? Is it too imposing? Should I just wait to ask until I see him next? Thanks for your help!

UPDATE: Thanks for your input, everyone! I will wait until we cross paths again and ask him then. Also, should’ve said I’m 26F. Have a wonderful day! 🙂

I think the guy who parks next to me at my apartment is attractive. From what I can tell he is single and a homebody, so perfect for me! I have only interacted with him a little bit in passing, but I plan on leaving a note in his door saying I would love to get to know him over a drink or coffee if he’s interested.

Would you find this flattering or creepy? Is it too imposing? Should I just wait to ask until I see him next? Thanks for your help!

UPDATE: Thanks for your input, everyone! I will wait until we cross paths again and ask him then. Also, should’ve said I’m 26F. Have a wonderful day! 🙂

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I am 20 years old and never really had any experience with women. I mean like never held hands or been on a date. I go to the gym and have an above average physique. I would say my face is also maybe a little above average. I have my own apartment and good income so money is not a problem . Many of my friends in high school and college never had a problem with dating and were constantly having a gf or getting hook ups. That was never the case for me. So how do some men get so much attention from women ?

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I am 20 years old and never really had any experience with women. I mean like never held hands or been on a date. I go to the gym and have an above average physique. I would say my face is also maybe a little above average. I have my own apartment and good income so money is not a problem . Many of my friends in high school and college never had a problem with dating and were constantly having a gf or getting hook ups. That was never the case for me. So how do some men get so much attention from women ?

I’ve known this guy for 20 years, and he wanted to try dating and I’m desperate at 31 (he’s also 31).

When we were just friends, I was perfectly happy splitting bills, taking turns paying, or occasionally treating him. But I’m realizing that the dynamic I was comfortable with in a friendship isn’t necessarily what I want in a romantic relationship.

He seems to want to date while minimizing both his spending and his effort, without ever explicitly communicating what he expects.
For example:

Restaurants: he’s in NYC (I’m not but don’t live far) and he doesn’t want to go anywhere that costs more than around $15 per person. Even Cheesecake Factory entrees are apparently too fancy for a special occasion (forget about drinks/apps).

I’ve also had frustrating experiences with him meeting him at a coffee shop only to find he’d already ordered his own drink (on the Starbucks app for example) and then while he’s sitting around waiting for his drink to be made, I’m waiting in line to order my coffee (he does “offer” to pay for my coffee 🙄).

Activities: He’ll go to Broadway shows, ballet shows, museums, the movies etc by himself, then text me before/during/after he’s there. Instead of inviting me and having an honest conversation about ticket costs, he just goes alone. What’s infuriating is that sometimes he KNOWS that I’d been planning to go but beats me to it.

Trips: Last spring he invited me to join his family’s trip to the UK (brother’s graduation), but didn’t tell me which flights his family would be taking or discuss coordinating travel. He basically told me to show up in the UK and informed me which hotel he and his family would be staying at. 🙄

For context, he makes around $170K, and I make around $100K.
I’m not expecting him to bankroll my life, but I do want a man who demonstrates generosity, initiative, and a genuine desire to share experiences with me.

If he wants everything to be 50/50, he can communicate that directly. But he’s the one who wants to date yet wants to have all the benefits of a romantic relationship (aka gets to brag to his family/friends, this is his first relationship) yet is living the life of a single man.

My question is: Which is worse?
A guy who openly says he expects 50/50, so you can decide whether you’re compatible, or a guy who never communicates his expectations but seems to structure everything around minimizing his own spending and effort?
Am I being unreasonable, or does this sound like a guy who wants the benefits of having a girlfriend without actually putting much effort into dating?

I’ve known this guy for 20 years, and he wanted to try dating and I’m desperate at 31 (he’s also 31).

When we were just friends, I was perfectly happy splitting bills, taking turns paying, or occasionally treating him. But I’m realizing that the dynamic I was comfortable with in a friendship isn’t necessarily what I want in a romantic relationship.

He seems to want to date while minimizing both his spending and his effort, without ever explicitly communicating what he expects.
For example:

Restaurants: he’s in NYC (I’m not but don’t live far) and he doesn’t want to go anywhere that costs more than around $15 per person. Even Cheesecake Factory entrees are apparently too fancy for a special occasion (forget about drinks/apps).

I’ve also had frustrating experiences with him meeting him at a coffee shop only to find he’d already ordered his own drink (on the Starbucks app for example) and then while he’s sitting around waiting for his drink to be made, I’m waiting in line to order my coffee (he does “offer” to pay for my coffee 🙄).

Activities: He’ll go to Broadway shows, ballet shows, museums, the movies etc by himself, then text me before/during/after he’s there. Instead of inviting me and having an honest conversation about ticket costs, he just goes alone. What’s infuriating is that sometimes he KNOWS that I’d been planning to go but beats me to it.

Trips: Last spring he invited me to join his family’s trip to the UK (brother’s graduation), but didn’t tell me which flights his family would be taking or discuss coordinating travel. He basically told me to show up in the UK and informed me which hotel he and his family would be staying at. 🙄

For context, he makes around $170K, and I make around $100K.
I’m not expecting him to bankroll my life, but I do want a man who demonstrates generosity, initiative, and a genuine desire to share experiences with me.

If he wants everything to be 50/50, he can communicate that directly. But he’s the one who wants to date yet wants to have all the benefits of a romantic relationship (aka gets to brag to his family/friends, this is his first relationship) yet is living the life of a single man.

My question is: Which is worse?
A guy who openly says he expects 50/50, so you can decide whether you’re compatible, or a guy who never communicates his expectations but seems to structure everything around minimizing his own spending and effort?
Am I being unreasonable, or does this sound like a guy who wants the benefits of having a girlfriend without actually putting much effort into dating?

Welcome to /r/dating_advice. Please use this weekly venting/celebration thread to get something off your chest, good or bad, without asking for or offering concrete advice. All individual venting or ranting threads will be removed and directed here.

Remember our rules, be sure to include ages and genders if you need help with a specific situation.

Please report any rule violations using the report button.

Welcome to /r/dating_advice. Please use this weekly venting/celebration thread to get something off your chest, good or bad, without asking for or offering concrete advice. All individual venting or ranting threads will be removed and directed here.

Remember our rules, be sure to include ages and genders if you need help with a specific situation.

Please report any rule violations using the report button.

If its one thing I noticed about some women is that if they find you attractive but are shy to approach or their vague choosing signals don’t work. They will start to flirt and be touchy with other men nearby in order to get you to be jealous. Even in dates they’ll make comments like ” that guy is really hot” or “damn” and shamelessly eye another dude up and down and then try to see your reaction. I had a few girlfriends that would also try to fish for a reaction.

Like the whole shit testing is such a massive ick, that most men will lose complete attraction and respect for you. Like sure you got a reaction that you wanted, but it wasn’t the win you think it was. In fact its a massive L

So why do so many women still do it even if its counterproductive? Do you realise that most men will see it as a red flag and not pick you once they notice you doing it? And the men that don’t care when you do it don’t really have any feelings for you and most likely are not interested in you at all. Even they think its embarrassing deep down.

Im seriously thinking in what scenario would it even work in women’s favour ?

Or is it because it works on women when they see other men with other attractive women, making them jealous, so they put an effort in order to win the man. That in their mind, if they use the same tactic that works on them on men, it will also work on the men?

Idk what goes on in their mind but whatever is their logic and reason, it surely is very ineffective to say the least.

If its one thing I noticed about some women is that if they find you attractive but are shy to approach or their vague choosing signals don’t work. They will start to flirt and be touchy with other men nearby in order to get you to be jealous. Even in dates they’ll make comments like ” that guy is really hot” or “damn” and shamelessly eye another dude up and down and then try to see your reaction. I had a few girlfriends that would also try to fish for a reaction.

Like the whole shit testing is such a massive ick, that most men will lose complete attraction and respect for you. Like sure you got a reaction that you wanted, but it wasn’t the win you think it was. In fact its a massive L

So why do so many women still do it even if its counterproductive? Do you realise that most men will see it as a red flag and not pick you once they notice you doing it? And the men that don’t care when you do it don’t really have any feelings for you and most likely are not interested in you at all. Even they think its embarrassing deep down.

Im seriously thinking in what scenario would it even work in women’s favour ?

Or is it because it works on women when they see other men with other attractive women, making them jealous, so they put an effort in order to win the man. That in their mind, if they use the same tactic that works on them on men, it will also work on the men?

Idk what goes on in their mind but whatever is their logic and reason, it surely is very ineffective to say the least.

I’m 26M, relatively inexperienced with dating, and I’ve recently started putting myself out there.

Tonight I went on a date with a woman I’d been talking to on Hinge.

I was genuinely having a good time. She was enthusiastic, talkative, asking questions and carrying a good part of the conversation. I didn’t notice anything obviously wrong.

Then something strange happened.

She went to the bathroom and, when she came back, told me she’d probably have to leave soon because she had breakfast plans the next morning.

Something about her demeanour felt off. She continued making small talk, asking what I was doing this weekend, but I could sense that she wanted to leave.

I told her that if she wasn’t feeling okay, we could wrap things up. She immediately agreed.

We paid and walked in roughly the same direction for a while. Eventually, I stopped to check my map and let her continue on her own.

The moment we parted ways, she started running.

That really hurt. I couldn’t help feeling like she was desperate to get away from me.

She had mentioned earlier that a friend of hers was in hospital after eating something, so perhaps something unrelated was happening. But she hadn’t received that information during the bathroom break.

Shortly afterwards, she unmatched me on Hinge.

I’ve been replaying the evening, trying to identify something I might have said or done. Nothing obvious comes to mind. I made a playful comment about her being worth the wait after she arrived five minutes late, and mentioned having lost weight. Otherwise, it was ordinary conversation.

I understand that attraction isn’t guaranteed and that nobody owes me another date or an explanation.

But this has hit me unusually hard.

I’m making a real effort to become more socially confident and gain dating experience. I can accept rejection, but what troubles me is the possibility that I made someone deeply uncomfortable without even realising it.

Has anyone experienced something similar, on either side? Is there something I might be overlooking?

I’m not looking to blame her. I’d genuinely like to understand what I can learn from this, if anything.

I’m 26M, relatively inexperienced with dating, and I’ve recently started putting myself out there.

Tonight I went on a date with a woman I’d been talking to on Hinge.

I was genuinely having a good time. She was enthusiastic, talkative, asking questions and carrying a good part of the conversation. I didn’t notice anything obviously wrong.

Then something strange happened.

She went to the bathroom and, when she came back, told me she’d probably have to leave soon because she had breakfast plans the next morning.

Something about her demeanour felt off. She continued making small talk, asking what I was doing this weekend, but I could sense that she wanted to leave.

I told her that if she wasn’t feeling okay, we could wrap things up. She immediately agreed.

We paid and walked in roughly the same direction for a while. Eventually, I stopped to check my map and let her continue on her own.

The moment we parted ways, she started running.

That really hurt. I couldn’t help feeling like she was desperate to get away from me.

She had mentioned earlier that a friend of hers was in hospital after eating something, so perhaps something unrelated was happening. But she hadn’t received that information during the bathroom break.

Shortly afterwards, she unmatched me on Hinge.

I’ve been replaying the evening, trying to identify something I might have said or done. Nothing obvious comes to mind. I made a playful comment about her being worth the wait after she arrived five minutes late, and mentioned having lost weight. Otherwise, it was ordinary conversation.

I understand that attraction isn’t guaranteed and that nobody owes me another date or an explanation.

But this has hit me unusually hard.

I’m making a real effort to become more socially confident and gain dating experience. I can accept rejection, but what troubles me is the possibility that I made someone deeply uncomfortable without even realising it.

Has anyone experienced something similar, on either side? Is there something I might be overlooking?

I’m not looking to blame her. I’d genuinely like to understand what I can learn from this, if anything.

Is it a red flag if a guy refuses to tell me what he does for work?

I (26F) went on a first date with a guy (29M) I met on a dating app, and I’m not sure what to think about something that happened.

We’d been texting for about a week before meeting up, and he seemed really nice. We had a lot in common, he was funny, and the conversation was always easy. So when he asked me out for coffee, I was actually pretty excited.

The date itself went really well. We ended up sitting there for almost three hours, talking about everything from movies and traveling to our families and childhood memories. There weren’t any awkward silences, and I genuinely felt like we clicked.

But there was one thing I found really strange. He wouldn’t tell me what he does for work.

At some point, we were talking about our daily routines, and I casually asked him what he does for a living. Just a normal first date question, right? He laughed and said something like, “Trust me, it’s nothing interesting,” and immediately changed the subject.

I didn’t think much of it at first. Maybe he just didn’t feel like talking about work.

But later, when I mentioned something funny that happened at my job, I decided to ask again. Not because I was trying to interrogate him, but because I was genuinely curious. This time he smiled and said, “I try not to talk about work when I’m not working.”

I jokingly asked if he worked for the CIA or something. He laughed and said, “Something like that.” And that was it. Still no answer.

The weird part is that he was completely open about everything else. He talked about his family, his friends, where he grew up, and even his previous relationship. But apparently his job is classified information lol.

And before anyone assumes I’m trying to figure out how much money he makes, I’m really not. I don’t care if he’s a lawyer, a waiter, or works at a grocery store. I just think it’s a little strange to refuse to answer such a basic question.

I know it was only our first date, and obviously he doesn’t owe me his entire life story. But I’ve never met someone who was so determined to avoid telling me what they do for a living.

Is it a red flag if a guy refuses to tell me what he does for work?

I (26F) went on a first date with a guy (29M) I met on a dating app, and I’m not sure what to think about something that happened.

We’d been texting for about a week before meeting up, and he seemed really nice. We had a lot in common, he was funny, and the conversation was always easy. So when he asked me out for coffee, I was actually pretty excited.

The date itself went really well. We ended up sitting there for almost three hours, talking about everything from movies and traveling to our families and childhood memories. There weren’t any awkward silences, and I genuinely felt like we clicked.

But there was one thing I found really strange. He wouldn’t tell me what he does for work.

At some point, we were talking about our daily routines, and I casually asked him what he does for a living. Just a normal first date question, right? He laughed and said something like, “Trust me, it’s nothing interesting,” and immediately changed the subject.

I didn’t think much of it at first. Maybe he just didn’t feel like talking about work.

But later, when I mentioned something funny that happened at my job, I decided to ask again. Not because I was trying to interrogate him, but because I was genuinely curious. This time he smiled and said, “I try not to talk about work when I’m not working.”

I jokingly asked if he worked for the CIA or something. He laughed and said, “Something like that.” And that was it. Still no answer.

The weird part is that he was completely open about everything else. He talked about his family, his friends, where he grew up, and even his previous relationship. But apparently his job is classified information lol.

And before anyone assumes I’m trying to figure out how much money he makes, I’m really not. I don’t care if he’s a lawyer, a waiter, or works at a grocery store. I just think it’s a little strange to refuse to answer such a basic question.

I know it was only our first date, and obviously he doesn’t owe me his entire life story. But I’ve never met someone who was so determined to avoid telling me what they do for a living.

If you think about it nobody ghosts someone their cousin or friends introduced them to.I believe that’s the whole problem like ten years ago, if you disappeared on a date, that person told a friend, the friend told your friend and then you were the guy who bailed. There was a cost to being a coward andf now there’s none, we match with someone from a different part of the city, no shared friends, workplace and if we vanish theres no consequences to it

I have been ghosted multiple times in the last year and I myself have ghosted some people as every time, I knew I would never see or hear about that person again which made it easy and I think it makes it easy for everyone.

Everyone online says people have gotten worse but I don’t buy it, I think we are the same people with the consequences removed and people behave differently when someone they know might hear about it. A friend of mine got set up with someone from her gym and the guy sent a polite not feeling it text within a day, which I have never once received from an app match.

Even the industry is noticing this, ditto has an ai book the date for you over imessage. Rivet from a former Tinder exec lets other users vote on whether two people should match.Overtone from the hinge founder skips profiles and makes intros, they are all trying to put other humans back in the loop in different ways, though I can’t say yet if any of it works.

But I wonder if the fix is less about better apps and more about dating inside our own circles again, even though that feels awkward.

Do you think ghosting would drop if you had even one mutual friend with every person you dated?

If you think about it nobody ghosts someone their cousin or friends introduced them to.I believe that’s the whole problem like ten years ago, if you disappeared on a date, that person told a friend, the friend told your friend and then you were the guy who bailed. There was a cost to being a coward andf now there’s none, we match with someone from a different part of the city, no shared friends, workplace and if we vanish theres no consequences to it

I have been ghosted multiple times in the last year and I myself have ghosted some people as every time, I knew I would never see or hear about that person again which made it easy and I think it makes it easy for everyone.

Everyone online says people have gotten worse but I don’t buy it, I think we are the same people with the consequences removed and people behave differently when someone they know might hear about it. A friend of mine got set up with someone from her gym and the guy sent a polite not feeling it text within a day, which I have never once received from an app match.

Even the industry is noticing this, ditto has an ai book the date for you over imessage. Rivet from a former Tinder exec lets other users vote on whether two people should match.Overtone from the hinge founder skips profiles and makes intros, they are all trying to put other humans back in the loop in different ways, though I can’t say yet if any of it works.

But I wonder if the fix is less about better apps and more about dating inside our own circles again, even though that feels awkward.

Do you think ghosting would drop if you had even one mutual friend with every person you dated?

I’m 28M and have been seeing this girl (27F) for about six weeks. She’s really into standup comedy and does open mic nights at a local club.

She invited me to watch her perform for the first time last weekend. About halfway through her set she started telling a story about dating a guy who rehearses conversations in his car before going into certain places.

That guy was me. I told her on our second date that I sometimes practice what I’m going to say before uncomfortable situations. She even used a specific example I’d told her about a job interview.

The jokes were funny and people were laughing, but it felt pretty weird sitting there knowing she was talking about me.

Afterwards I brought it up and she said she changes details all the time and nobody in the audience knew it was me. She also said I should take it as a compliment because she only writes jokes about things she finds interesting.

I don’t think she was trying to embarrass me, but now I’m wondering how much of what I tell her might end up on stage.

Would this bother you or is it just something you accept when dating someone who does comedy?

I’m 28M and have been seeing this girl (27F) for about six weeks. She’s really into standup comedy and does open mic nights at a local club.

She invited me to watch her perform for the first time last weekend. About halfway through her set she started telling a story about dating a guy who rehearses conversations in his car before going into certain places.

That guy was me. I told her on our second date that I sometimes practice what I’m going to say before uncomfortable situations. She even used a specific example I’d told her about a job interview.

The jokes were funny and people were laughing, but it felt pretty weird sitting there knowing she was talking about me.

Afterwards I brought it up and she said she changes details all the time and nobody in the audience knew it was me. She also said I should take it as a compliment because she only writes jokes about things she finds interesting.

I don’t think she was trying to embarrass me, but now I’m wondering how much of what I tell her might end up on stage.

Would this bother you or is it just something you accept when dating someone who does comedy?

Welcome to /r/dating_advice. Please use this weekly venting/celebration thread to get something off your chest, good or bad, without asking for or offering concrete advice. All individual venting or ranting threads will be removed and directed here.

Remember our rules, be sure to include ages and genders if you need help with a specific situation.

Please report any rule violations using the report button.

Welcome to /r/dating_advice. Please use this weekly venting/celebration thread to get something off your chest, good or bad, without asking for or offering concrete advice. All individual venting or ranting threads will be removed and directed here.

Remember our rules, be sure to include ages and genders if you need help with a specific situation.

Please report any rule violations using the report button.