Category: dating_advice

I’m (F) dating this guy for 4 months now but he has been in my friend group for almost a year already.

He became close to my male best friend because they started taking extra classes at the same course. Everything was fine and we were all good friends, but one day the conversation about bdsm came up and we took the online test, it turned out me and this friend had the % for sub really high and my bf had the dom on the top. I think it went down hill from there.

After a couple weeks my best friend came to tell me that they were doing this type of “friendship dynamic” where my boyfriend orders my best friend around. At first i just found it funny and didn’t care about it much. My friend said this included filling his waterbottle everytime he told him to, always bringing him coffee in the morning or carrying his stuff. I then asked if there were more things involved, like romantic feelings or sexual desire, my friend assured me it had nothing to do with that and it was just because he likes to be ordered around. After that I talked to my boyfriend and he said the same thing and that besides all that he was sure about being straight and that he loved me. I trusted both of them and just forgot about the subject, my friend even hooked up with some guys in the mean time.

HOWEVER, one day, when me and my boyfriend were getting ready to go out with said friend, he asked if i could text him trough his phone to confirm the time we would meet (because he was in the bathroom). I did, but then i felt the curiosity to roll up the conversation and saw it was way more than what they were telling me. My boyfriend made him do his homework, asked for pictures of him wearing women clothes and makeup, pictures kneeling down in said clothes and demanded he called him “sir”. There were also messages like “you’ve been dissobeying me lately” or “if you improve your behaviour you’ll get a reward” (never mentioning what type of reward it is) and he also called him names like “little bitch”. There’s probably more, i couldn’t roll farther up (still looking for a opportunity to do so). When I think about it, i don’t think something physical, like sex, actually happened between them, but now im in doubt if it would if they had the opportunity. My mind says it wouldn’t.

I feel really betrayed by the two people i trusted the most and don’t know what to do. If I tell my boyfriend he would know i went trough his messages. If I tell my friend the friendship would most likely be over.

I don’t think i should let this slide but i want to learn more before doing anything. I don’t know what to feel or exactly what to do and would like some outside opinions.

Sorry for any grammar mistakes, english is not first language.

I’m (F) dating this guy for 4 months now but he has been in my friend group for almost a year already.

He became close to my male best friend because they started taking extra classes at the same course. Everything was fine and we were all good friends, but one day the conversation about bdsm came up and we took the online test, it turned out me and this friend had the % for sub really high and my bf had the dom on the top. I think it went down hill from there.

After a couple weeks my best friend came to tell me that they were doing this type of “friendship dynamic” where my boyfriend orders my best friend around. At first i just found it funny and didn’t care about it much. My friend said this included filling his waterbottle everytime he told him to, always bringing him coffee in the morning or carrying his stuff. I then asked if there were more things involved, like romantic feelings or sexual desire, my friend assured me it had nothing to do with that and it was just because he likes to be ordered around. After that I talked to my boyfriend and he said the same thing and that besides all that he was sure about being straight and that he loved me. I trusted both of them and just forgot about the subject, my friend even hooked up with some guys in the mean time.

HOWEVER, one day, when me and my boyfriend were getting ready to go out with said friend, he asked if i could text him trough his phone to confirm the time we would meet (because he was in the bathroom). I did, but then i felt the curiosity to roll up the conversation and saw it was way more than what they were telling me. My boyfriend made him do his homework, asked for pictures of him wearing women clothes and makeup, pictures kneeling down in said clothes and demanded he called him “sir”. There were also messages like “you’ve been dissobeying me lately” or “if you improve your behaviour you’ll get a reward” (never mentioning what type of reward it is) and he also called him names like “little bitch”. There’s probably more, i couldn’t roll farther up (still looking for a opportunity to do so). When I think about it, i don’t think something physical, like sex, actually happened between them, but now im in doubt if it would if they had the opportunity. My mind says it wouldn’t.

I feel really betrayed by the two people i trusted the most and don’t know what to do. If I tell my boyfriend he would know i went trough his messages. If I tell my friend the friendship would most likely be over.

I don’t think i should let this slide but i want to learn more before doing anything. I don’t know what to feel or exactly what to do and would like some outside opinions.

Sorry for any grammar mistakes, english is not first language.

The guys I’ve been into have been excellent, creative conversationalists and extremely witty. Our conversations are challenging and fun. I’ve only dated a few guys that have met this need for stimulating conversation.

I hate chatting about my weekend, who won my volleyball game, what I did, getting my car fixed, seeing my sister and how happy I was to see her.

I view the world with a humorous lense. If someone doesn’t understand this and can’t meet me equally with it, I am not attracted to them. I want a partner to be my mental equal who I can use as a rejuvenating source of fun.

For example. If someone asks “good morning, how was your day?” I DREAD texting back. Rather, if someone texts, “How many girls did you make cry at roller derby today?” I’m smiling and planning my answer sarcastically.

This goes for face-to-face conversations as well. I dead pan extremely well. I’ve been called extremely quick on my feet thinking while socializing.

I realize the need for serious conversations and am fully able to have those conversations as often as they are needed. But I need fun. I want that in a relationship.

The thing is, I’m really lonely. I have a lot of hobbies. I play sports, roller skate, enjoy being active. I’d love to find a relationship with someone who….

1. Understands my humor/ meets my wit
2. Wants what I want
3. Similar values

Most people/dates like me and want another date so I know I’m not annoying or anything.

I’ve gone on online dates with kind, attractive men who are interested in me. In 99% of these cases they can’t banter with me, either in person or face to face, and instead view conversation as very literal. I’m unstimulated and distracted from them and even though they like me and are interested in me, i absolutely dread seeing them so I let them go after 1-3 dates.

TLDR: My friends can’t imagine why I’m so picky because they don’t really understand my witty, communication style. It’s essential to my attraction to someone. What should I do? Try to make it work with someone i find debilitating boring? It just feels so isolating. So few can meet my need for stimulating, fun conversation

The guys I’ve been into have been excellent, creative conversationalists and extremely witty. Our conversations are challenging and fun. I’ve only dated a few guys that have met this need for stimulating conversation.

I hate chatting about my weekend, who won my volleyball game, what I did, getting my car fixed, seeing my sister and how happy I was to see her.

I view the world with a humorous lense. If someone doesn’t understand this and can’t meet me equally with it, I am not attracted to them. I want a partner to be my mental equal who I can use as a rejuvenating source of fun.

For example. If someone asks “good morning, how was your day?” I DREAD texting back. Rather, if someone texts, “How many girls did you make cry at roller derby today?” I’m smiling and planning my answer sarcastically.

This goes for face-to-face conversations as well. I dead pan extremely well. I’ve been called extremely quick on my feet thinking while socializing.

I realize the need for serious conversations and am fully able to have those conversations as often as they are needed. But I need fun. I want that in a relationship.

The thing is, I’m really lonely. I have a lot of hobbies. I play sports, roller skate, enjoy being active. I’d love to find a relationship with someone who….

1. Understands my humor/ meets my wit
2. Wants what I want
3. Similar values

Most people/dates like me and want another date so I know I’m not annoying or anything.

I’ve gone on online dates with kind, attractive men who are interested in me. In 99% of these cases they can’t banter with me, either in person or face to face, and instead view conversation as very literal. I’m unstimulated and distracted from them and even though they like me and are interested in me, i absolutely dread seeing them so I let them go after 1-3 dates.

TLDR: My friends can’t imagine why I’m so picky because they don’t really understand my witty, communication style. It’s essential to my attraction to someone. What should I do? Try to make it work with someone i find debilitating boring? It just feels so isolating. So few can meet my need for stimulating, fun conversation